Your Rational World is a Circle Jerk
Tonight, a special report on one of the most fascinating mysteries of this century:
The case of a bucolic New England town that is one day beset by a broadcast of horror and hilarity utterly beyond the comprehension of the profane. When the transmissions suddenly ceased, experts claim that the residents of Candle Cove were inflicted with a collective chronic epididymal hypertension.
Will they ever find release?
This special report is the tale of...
Now, FLASHER! now, NONCER! SODOMIZER, AIDS-STRICKEN!
On, VOMIT! on PUTRID! on, MOLESTER and CHICKEN!
To the top of the pew! to the floor of the stall!
NOW FASH AWAY! FASH AWAY! FASH AWAY ALL!
Hyperborea Forever
HH
Findom: https://www.patreon.com/ovenmen/
RSS: https://www.spreaker.com/show/2648697/episodes/feed
You will pay to have permission,
To be led into perdition,
By the brethren of the joker,
Mirthful men with skin of ochre,
Swaddled in baroque attire.
Men with only one desire—
BECOME OUR PAYPIG, WIGNAT SCUM,
PAY UP or else WE'LL FIST YOUR BUM!
SEND US MONEY, send it briskly!
DISOBEDIENCE IS RISKY!
Tribute, shekels, legal tender,
All to us you will surrender.
We are THE BOSSES OF THIS GYM!
You will obey our every whim.
Our primacy you may contend,
But the fact is that in the end,
Your optics are all balderdash,
AND WE ARE IN IT FOR THE CASH †
Hail Hitler
https://www.patreon.com/ovenmen/
Tonight's Ejaculatory Epistles:
RSS: https://www.spreaker.com/show/2648697/episodes/feed
† ᴵᶠ ᶠᶦˢᶜᵃˡˡʸ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃʳᵉ ᶦⁿᵉᵖᵗ
ᵂᵉ ᶜᵃᵗᵍᶦʳˡˢ ⁽ᵐᵃˡᵉ⁾ ᵍˡᵃᵈˡʸ ᵃᶜᶜᵉᵖᵗ
When the begoggled buccaneer beckoned them within, the neighborhood manchildren had nary a notion that the jaundiced jack-tar was anything other than a fellow Halloweenie, having a wealful walk down Mummery Lane.
Truly toast they were, these mediocre meme minions, the mournful moment they touched toe on his poxy porch. Shanghaied, shaven, forced feminized, callously condemned to the life of a craven cabin boy (female) aboard a poz pirate's Ship of Thules, they may now only serve as a somber symbol to lumpish ladyboys who think to take sweeties from strangers.
Anchors Aweigh for the tredecimal testament of Tales from the Trough!
Tonight's Memetic Masquerades:
https://www.patreon.com/ovenmen/
HH
i just screamed and screamed
incoherently
no words, really
just a bestial, guttural growling
mixed with bird-like screeching
i roared
from the center of my being
Join The Ovenmen for the Tales from the Trough ANEversiary SEXtravaganza!
We're having a pizza party and we're pulling off each slice nice and slow. Duck under the bog roll bunting and give the idol of Sant Jahans a belly rub for good luck. Here, take a glass—this evening we forgo champagne in favor of a vintage bottle of Coke Zero.
Tonight's Janusian Jubilees:
Paper is the traditional gift for a first anniversary.
Why don't you pull some out of that wallet of yours, piggy?
You know what time it is kiddies, put on some Richard Wagner, pack another TIGHT LITTLE bowl, it's time to BLAZE IT and RAISE IT for Episode 11 of TALES FROM THE TROUGH! Did you really think we would miss the most important day of the year?! FOOL of a THULE, we wouldn't wanna be anywhere else... except if you found a place with a comfy beanbag chair and an unlimited supply of Doritos, Big Macs and wild berry Skittles... mmmmm.... sweet H-tler I am so fucking high right now lmao!
Tonight's Shivaratrian Shanties:
- True Shitposters
- Unsolved Pissteries
- The Adventures of Little Hitora-chan
After a little bit of tough love from Sven, The Ovenmen are back with a new show format and a new attitude.
We're sorry about our last episode, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that, etc.
Watch through the back window while the Ovenmen's fashy whitepills dribble down your based wife's chin.
We hate every single one of you.
Send us money.
Tonight's Homoerotic Hymns:
- Art by Buffalo Benny