Spending For The Future: The Liberal Strategic Dildos Plan

Whether anyone likes it or not  it’s a fact of life that a first world nation needs warplanes; the NAP, free mansions, guaranteed income for homeless people, and schools for babies with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome be damned. Every elaborately constructed social theory comes ripping apart if the people who believe it can’t stop someone with other morals from launching a volley of missiles at them from inside their air defenses. Most grown ups who aren’t LARPing Red Dawn/Walking Dead want to make sure our enemies know we’re not playing around. Not ‘Occupy Democrats’ though. They’re ready to tackle the big problems. Big problems like the desperate Elementary School Gap- we need to double the number of elementary schools STAT! There’s money out there going to something that’s NOT progressive and that’s problematic. They saw “money” and “waste” and figured- here’s an opportunity to trigger libertarians and peg John Q. Public with eleventy billion dildos.

if only 137 billion dildos could shut your whore mouth
…even eleventy billion dildos isn’t enough to make them shut their whore mouths

Normally I would have said something snarky about how a ghost town full of elementary schools filled with rotting food won’t make the Russians think twice about contesting US airspace. But then again, neither will the F-35 (ba-dum-tsh). But the question isn’t really the cost of the program. Congress and the Pentagon have been whittling away at the order total for a while. It was a boondoggle precisely because they made it a boondoggle and now it’s time to play spin doctor and pretend they’ve been above this messy affair preaching peace and guaranteed income and universal healthcare while bajillions was poured into the military-industrial-crony complex. Frame up, toss in some feels bullet points with completely asinine arbitrary-as-fuck made-up numbers ($2 lunches? Really?) and you’ve got the makings of a meme every side can get behind. Corruption! Small government! Rent-seeking!

Continue reading

The TRS Guide To Diverse Literature

It’s time to check in on our friends over at XOJane, everyone’s favorite feminist activist/advertising/studded-dildo-testing site that always manages to ironically degrade women more thoroughly than MRAs or porn studios. Writer K.T. Bradford just ‘challenged’ the readers of the world to set aside their white supremacist, heteronormative, cis-centric, and patriarchial (in other words, functional) standards of civilized literature and explore the vast and creative writings of the vibrant and marginalized Others of the planet. She wants us to spend one whole year reading nothing but literature written by POCs, LGBTBBQs, trannies, and wymyn to open our mind to the world that we obviously already know exists around us…or something.

Neil Gaimansteinbergblatz actually wrote for the Dr. Who series, but okay.

 

Continue reading

Net Neutered

Regrettably, a cohesive TRS narrative regarding what is known as “Net Neutrality” is still in the works. As of this morning, a discussion within the party yielded little more than “Democrats are in favor of it? HAGAY! for 10 hours.” But, without the help of my trusty soundboard, I suppose I can take the first stab at publishing something on the subject on our behalf.

Firstly, a screengrab from muh pedal powered brain bashing laptop:

NetNeutered
If you didn’t shudder…

Continue reading

The Policy Stuff

In recent years, I’ve gradually lost interest in LARPy policy arguments. 2010 was a turning point for me. All the liberals I knew were clearly arguing in favor of some imaginary health care reform that had at best a tenuous relationship to what Harry Reid planned to inflict on us. Meanwhile, conservatives were arguing for policy that had exactly 0% chance of passing. What we got was a dildo straight in the pooper, and all our LARPing on all sides had exactly jack diddly crap to do with the outcome.

"They fell for it, Nancy!"
“They fell for it, Nancy!”

The usual proposed alternative to LARPing is compromise. The idea is that if we meet the left, they might replace the double dragon dildo with a smaller, smoother model, and may even let us lube up first. This, however, is a fool’s errand, as we all know the next compromise will simply a bigger, rougher, drier ravaging.

Now, conservatives have won major victories in the last couple decades on things like home schooling, the income tax, gun rights, and regulations on abortion. So it is clear that the Overton Window can in fact be moved rightward. As the alt-right grows and becomes a nontrivial influence in the Republican Party, what kind of policy should we support?

Continue reading

Dr. Toiletlove’s Advice for the Lonely Nerd

On this lovely frozen icicle Friday, Dr. Toiletlove has some advice for the amorous nerds out there in TRS land, bitterly clinging to their God, Guns, Triple-Espresso-Shot-Added dark roasted coffee (large, pinch of salt, one spoon of sugar and a splash of Kahlua natch) and Thermostats, and that is simple:

Get Confident, Stupid!
Get Confident, Stupid!

These three words will do more for your love life than what tranny-orbiter, rape apologist, betacuck Arthur Chu advises. Trust me, I used to be one of you.

Continue reading

Waiting for Godot: the Right Wing Jon Stewart Edition

Jon Stewart has left a Star-of-David shaped hole in the Comedy Central lineup, and as mentioned on the Merchant Minute, every leftist son of a bitch and his sister is navel gazing about the next replacement. Whoever is selected to replace Stewart has huge shoes to fill, for certain. And a question still lingers: Why has the right failed to gain any traction with its own comedy-based propaganda tv show? What made the Daily Show so unique in its ability to propagate the dildocratic narrative?

The Atlantic has weighed in on the matter, opining that comedy, specifically satire, is inherently left-wing because parody is inherently anti establishment. Furthermore, comedy, they claim, caters to the low time preferences of leftists, and on top of that, right wingers just aren’t that funny. The Atlantic has apparently never heard of MorrakiuTumblristas and similar talents. I posit that the Daily Show took advantage of a confluence of factors that had little to do with Jon Stewart, and looking/waiting for a right-wing version of the same is pointless.

At TRS we don’t  charge for our right wing satire!

Continue reading

Fugly Aussie totally challenges traditional gender identities (LOL, JK)

Source: Have A Gay Day/Minus18

wat
You’re Trans? What are you looking at? LOL

 

Not gonna lie, I was more confused than triggered at this picture. Hell, I’m still bewildered. It’s like viewing one of those silly modern “art” exhibits, except this one breathes and has a profile on grindr.

Continue reading