5 Comfortable Troofs about Feminism

Trying to help out our good friends at Cracked. Crack is still whack.

Up until recently, you probably thought that the “feminist” movement was just a weird fad among women who wanted to stop men from having fun, depressed hags who wanted to misdirect their sexual frustrations, no more or less important to your day-to-day life than, say, people providing bad movie reviews or complaining that video games don’t like them. But then something like the UCSB shooting happens, and feminists want to blame the patriarchy for the killing of two women, while ignoring the four men killed, and you have to ask yourself: Is this group actually a problem?

Anita Sarkeesian
Anita Sarkeesian
Holy shit, yes. I spoke to Barbara Conway, a former black panther, and James Lee Dotson, a doctor of theology, about the feminist movement and I found out that it has less in common with any civil rights or equality movement than it does with goddamn neo-Marxists. Particularly with how…

#5 They Prey on the Insecure (With Misdirection)

We all know that feminists are insecure — that’s pretty much the only thing the rest of the world agrees with them on. If you go to tumblr, twitter, or any women’s liberation, or anti-women’s liberation blog, you’ll see people promising to help them be better as women. It’s an open invitation to celebrate womanliness, like they’re the last place on earth you can still talk about vibrators and penises and driving SUVs and drinking Starbucks.

But it’s a trick, because that’s not really what these places are about. Check out the first sentence on a random blog about male privilege.

“Murder – The threat of women getting murdered is constantly hyped up by society. It is common for books, art, video games, movies, and TV shows to intimately and graphically focus on the gratuitous murder of women, and such depictions are regularly defended as ‘entertainment.'”

That’s right, depictions of women being murdered in the media are more of a problem than the fact that men are at a higher risk of ACTUAL murder.

Second on the list, it suggests there exists a rape culture instituted by men.

Third, it blames men for sexualizing women.

Yes, this shit is internally contradictory and sexist as fuck, but more importantly, it has nothing to do with women. It’s all just variations of “fuck dem men” and “ugh.” It’s not an ideology, it’s just them feeling bad about themselves and directing that hatred elsewhere… which is exactly how a hate group works. And that’s not just my opinion.

“These woman are so recruitable,” says Barbara Conway, a former black panther who recruited teenagers to her old cause, spent some time in jail, and now works with the organization Felons Have All the Answers for Societal Ills to raise awareness about hate groups around the world. “They’re shaken-up soda bottles, and they’re just waiting for someone to open the cap and point them at someone.”

She pointed out that the insecurities may not actually be about sex — they’re just insecurities, and insecurities are hard to shake.

“The feeling of inadequacy is still in my life,” says Conway. “I’ll find myself thinking, ‘Did my high school “boyfriend” who dumped raped me ever sleep with someone who had bigger tits than me?’… and then I’m ready to argue, when he did nothing wrong. It’s just my insecurity.”

But OK, hold on — let’s back up. The basic idea of “feminism” is, in theory, fine right? All women deserve special rights, and it’s not exactly unheard of for one gender to manipulate another. The problem is that even if you give these gals the benefit of the doubt and read into their complains, you find…

#4. They Hate Men Because It Justifies Their Suffering

Over the past few months, I’ve read hundreds, probably thousands of threads and blog posts about feminism, because something is very wrong with me, please help. Overall, I’ve found that their complaint about men is… that they exist. It’s the old dichotomy: If they’re too selective with whom they sleep with, they’re lookists and if they sleep around, they’re “dogs” and lack any worth as humans. One thread is about a woman giving relationship advice on another thread about what to do after you discover your boyfriend has cheated. She suggested that maybe there were some alternatives to dumping him, and that through communication and healing the relationship could be saved, if she wanted. Apparently, this is the worst thing ever.

I could sit here and list flaws in their arguments all day, but I’d rather just repeat the same unfounded claims than engage in anything resembling a discussion of the issues.

If this is how you think relationships work, then hey, I just found the reason you’re not in one.
> “Every time one of these womyn is driving down the street and they see an attractive girl with a guy, they boil up with hate,” Conway told me. “Try to imagine that life. I lived that life, except I thought about race, and it just eats you up. And it feels good, because there’s a reward, and that reward is that you can look down on the entire world. Everyone needs an enemy.”

But there’s a deeper reason you can’t actually debate feminist activists…

#3. Their Enemy is Everyone

The acceptance of men who might not be so masculine or who might not have sex very often seems like an obvious issue for feminists to glom onto, right? It’s super easy to find statistics about it, and since it’s a major issue in the news, it’d be a great way to get more people to pay attention to their cause. But instead you just see them using emasculating slurs all the time.

Masculinity is in part defined by our attraction to the feminine. If your preference is not to be a feminist-pleaser then you’re not expressing any kind of masculinity that’s worth celebrating.

Masculinity worth celebrating.
Masculinity worth celebrating.
Race would be another great topic for them (Asian femininity would give them plenty to talk about, right?), but again, it almost never comes up.

This is how all hate groups work: Sure, they have one specific target they like shitting on more than any other, but they’re weirdly open-minded about whom they’re total dicks to.

That’s why you see so many different hate groups fighting each other.

“It wasn’t any one group — I hated everyone,” Chambers remembers, “I hated anyone who didn’t believe the way I believed. And these gals hate women who don’t believe the way they do.”

And that’s why you’re going to see so many angry comments about how “this doesn’t apply to all feminist groups!”

People are going to say PUAHate, which feels the same about PUAs as other feminist groups (and also Elliot Rodger of course) doesn’t really understand what feminism is about.

Who’s the real feminist here?
If you’re not a feminist, you’re governed by the mansplaining and have been compromised by the patriarchal agenda. Sex-positive feminists hated the Radical Feminists even though both groups believe men are commodities to be acquired and subjugated. They are conquests — things that determine your worth as a human.

That’s not a mentally healthy way to live for about a thousand reasons. Which is why…

#2. They Have No Sense of Consequence

The entire Feminist Movement is so narcissistic it makes Donald Trump look like this guy Tom I know who’s super nice to everyone all the time but doesn’t get any recognition because generosity doesn’t make you famous. For example, while they admit that beating a man is a bad idea, all the reasons they list are “you’ll totally get in trouble” and “other men won’t like it.” But at the same time, on the same forum, you can find someone saying that some men deserve to die because they are “rapists who can’t get laid.” Notice how that description is internally contradictory enough to cover every man ever: saying someone is a “rapist who can’t get laid” is like saying they are “elderly infants” or “freezing hot” or “a tasty light beer” or holy shit you can’t be “raping” and “sexless” at the same time that makes no fucking sense.

“They complain about manipulation, but how many women have told men they love them just to get in their wallets? Men and women do that. God, there is so much shit on this site,” Chambers told me, apparently getting pretty exasperated at me for making her read so much Reddit (sorry, Barb). But the amazing thing is that when feminist activists compare manipulation to domestic abuse to manipulation, they’re comparing a fucking tragedy to something that is, essentially, a rite of passage. Obviously there’s nothing remotely “OK” about playing emotional games with your significant other, but at the same time, I’m pretty sure every single person reading this has at some point been in a relationship that featured at least some emotional abuse, especially as a teenager, because everyone is emotionally abusive as a teenager. But once you turn 23, any sociopathy must be due to a nefarious force you came across on the internet.

Oppression intensifies

They manufacture some injustice they’ve suffered and then repeat the ideas with made-up words like “manspaining” (“a man talking about something.” That’s not a joke.) to suppress their own rational thought and replace it with groupthink — another common trait for hate groups.

#1. They Don’t Have a Real Position (and They Don’t Care)

So you may not realize this, but it turns out that when I accuse the feminist movement of being a hate group, I’m actually being kinda controversial. Which is why I asked James Lee Dotson, a doctor of theology and author of Angry Privileged Women, what he thought.

“I know that Salon.com labeled feminists hate groups,” he says, “I don’t know that I would. I see the feminist world as many enraged individuals, coalescing loosely in the women’s liberation on the Web, with little or no organizational structure, coherent policy initiatives, or plans… But that’s only because my definition of ‘hate groups’ requires concerted action, and the viciousness of many of their cyber attacks against non-feminist women make me think that those women who have been targeted might have a different story to tell.”

Again, you can be sure this guy knows what he’s talking about because he has a doctorate in theology, a sensible RV and probably, like, drinks milk from actual cows (I don’t know how adults live). And that “concerted action” requirement is a good point: Other hate groups hold protests and have rallies, so feminists have rallies to shut down men’s rights speakers and events.

needs feminism

Yes… for now. But that may change: The “PUAHate” community (which Elliot Rodger belonged to) still exists mainly online, but they’re not exactly shy about using violent language and making plans. They’re openly arguing for the destruction of modern society and even talk about killing people.

I’m not saying that every feminist is on the verge of killing people or even a bad person, because I’m kind of a doofy idealist and I think “bad people” are way more rare than that. But I do think anger is a dangerous emotion. And I know that if you spend all day on the internet trying to make that anger feel justified and righteous, something important inside you will start to rot away.