Spending For The Future: The Liberal Strategic Dildos Plan

Whether anyone likes it or not  it’s a fact of life that a first world nation needs warplanes; the NAP, free mansions, guaranteed income for homeless people, and schools for babies with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome be damned. Every elaborately constructed social theory comes ripping apart if the people who believe it can’t stop someone with other morals from launching a volley of missiles at them from inside their air defenses. Most grown ups who aren’t LARPing Red Dawn/Walking Dead want to make sure our enemies know we’re not playing around. Not ‘Occupy Democrats’ though. They’re ready to tackle the big problems. Big problems like the desperate Elementary School Gap- we need to double the number of elementary schools STAT! There’s money out there going to something that’s NOT progressive and that’s problematic. They saw “money” and “waste” and figured- here’s an opportunity to trigger libertarians and peg John Q. Public with eleventy billion dildos.

if only 137 billion dildos could shut your whore mouth
…even eleventy billion dildos isn’t enough to make them shut their whore mouths

Normally I would have said something snarky about how a ghost town full of elementary schools filled with rotting food won’t make the Russians think twice about contesting US airspace. But then again, neither will the F-35 (ba-dum-tsh). But the question isn’t really the cost of the program. Congress and the Pentagon have been whittling away at the order total for a while. It was a boondoggle precisely because they made it a boondoggle and now it’s time to play spin doctor and pretend they’ve been above this messy affair preaching peace and guaranteed income and universal healthcare while bajillions was poured into the military-industrial-crony complex. Frame up, toss in some feels bullet points with completely asinine arbitrary-as-fuck made-up numbers ($2 lunches? Really?) and you’ve got the makings of a meme every side can get behind. Corruption! Small government! Rent-seeking!

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The TRS Guide To Diverse Literature

It’s time to check in on our friends over at XOJane, everyone’s favorite feminist activist/advertising/studded-dildo-testing site that always manages to ironically degrade women more thoroughly than MRAs or porn studios. Writer K.T. Bradford just ‘challenged’ the readers of the world to set aside their white supremacist, heteronormative, cis-centric, and patriarchial (in other words, functional) standards of civilized literature and explore the vast and creative writings of the vibrant and marginalized Others of the planet. She wants us to spend one whole year reading nothing but literature written by POCs, LGBTBBQs, trannies, and wymyn to open our mind to the world that we obviously already know exists around us…or something.

Neil Gaimansteinbergblatz actually wrote for the Dr. Who series, but okay.

 

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Net Neutered

Regrettably, a cohesive TRS narrative regarding what is known as “Net Neutrality” is still in the works. As of this morning, a discussion within the party yielded little more than “Democrats are in favor of it? HAGAY! for 10 hours.” But, without the help of my trusty soundboard, I suppose I can take the first stab at publishing something on the subject on our behalf.

Firstly, a screengrab from muh pedal powered brain bashing laptop:

NetNeutered
If you didn’t shudder…

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Waiting for Godot: the Right Wing Jon Stewart Edition

Jon Stewart has left a Star-of-David shaped hole in the Comedy Central lineup, and as mentioned on the Merchant Minute, every leftist son of a bitch and his sister is navel gazing about the next replacement. Whoever is selected to replace Stewart has huge shoes to fill, for certain. And a question still lingers: Why has the right failed to gain any traction with its own comedy-based propaganda tv show? What made the Daily Show so unique in its ability to propagate the dildocratic narrative?

The Atlantic has weighed in on the matter, opining that comedy, specifically satire, is inherently left-wing because parody is inherently anti establishment. Furthermore, comedy, they claim, caters to the low time preferences of leftists, and on top of that, right wingers just aren’t that funny. The Atlantic has apparently never heard of MorrakiuTumblristas and similar talents. I posit that the Daily Show took advantage of a confluence of factors that had little to do with Jon Stewart, and looking/waiting for a right-wing version of the same is pointless.

At TRS we don’t  charge for our right wing satire!

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Black couple opposes microaggression, perpetuates stereotype instead

Source: Imgur

blaxplain

Let’s ignore the overuse of pronouns. Let us also pretend that the writer used “not” instead of  “never.” We should avoid asking why “thyself” is even there (maybe this was a romantic Quaker-themed restaurant?).

We should especially overlook that this black woman (judging by handwriting and tone) had such a profound inferiority complex that she felt compelled to project her grasp of the English language to a waiter.

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Feminism As Matriarchy: 11 Simple Rules For Pussy Whipped Masochists

Over at the oddly named website .Mic a rare domesticated male dindu and self-declared social justice advocate named Derrick Clifton has revealed the secret to fulfilling every man’s dream of becoming a feminist. No, not the #NiceGuy creepy serial rapist type of male feminist, but the one who actually believes in this shit. So You Want to Be a Male Feminist? Here Are 11 Simple Rules to Follow is a pretty intimidating headline, but since the rules are supposed to be simple, I’m up for the challenge.

 TRS WaifusTRS waifus on a Friday night

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Ben Shapiro Explains Why The Majority Of Jews Are Leftists

If you ever want to give your good goy conservative Christian grandmother a stroke, confuse a fedora atheist, make your resident campus gentile neocon hang himself, or generally piss off mainstream conservatards and liberal cat ladies online, just show them this video. It’s Jew-tested and Jew-approved so there is no way they can deny it without going full retard:

 

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The End of Insensitivity

The University of Michigan is doing their part to help end offensive speech. In a new $16k program they have dubbed the “Inclusive Language Campaign,” the university has effectively banned a number of common words and phrases. They believe that this prohibition will be just what the doctor ordered, and surely will prevent sensitive individuals from having their dainty feelings bruised by the unwashed masses.

We can do better than this. Obviously, the university isn’t going far enough. Being the caring and politically correct humanist that I am, I have come up with a short list of additional words and phrases that must be banned from our society immediately in order for us all to avoid any uncomfortable realities.

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