This week on The Daily Shoah, a very special guest clears up everything we thought we knew about 9/11, and Morrakiu brings us yet another triumphant Merchant Minute.
Recently a kind old conservative
Uncle Tom commenter gone slightly soft in the head made the outrageous observation that while politically speaking, it is acceptable to charge higher health insurance rates to smokers and the obese, one cannot apply that logic to homosexuals. What’s really amazing is that in this world of Tumblr, The Huffington Post, and the Daily Show, an “intellectual” like Williams would have the temerity to speak a single word in such a charged atmosphere without first considering the sorts of irrational witch-hunting guaranteed to result from his naïve comments. Apparently poor ol’ Walter still thinks he lives in a universe where gaggles of rabid Social Justice Warriors aren’t salivating for the slightest opportunity to miss-interpret something and howl triumphantly at the bigotry they’ve uncovered, moments before an entire pack of them descends on the hapless victim. This is what they fucking live for, these people validate much of their existence via pious secular witch-hunting, and the examples of this being played out recently in the mainstream are just too blatant to ignore.
Today marks the death of S. Truett Cathy, who founded the infamous “Chick-fil-A” cartel which for decades has served as a sandwich slinging front-group for the most homophobic hate-organizations in existence. Not only did this nefarious “fast food franchise” funnel profits into murdering the gays, their attractively priced and delicious chicken fillet sandwiches also contributed to the Type 2 diabetes epidemic in American blacks, proving that once again racism and homophobia go together like ketchup and mustard in America. In addition to personally dumping wheel barrow loads of money into anti-gay organizations, sources allege Cathy’s maniacal cackling and penchant for wearing dark hooded robes ultimately served as the inspiration for George Lucas’s “Emperor Palpatine” character from the timeless Star Wars series of films.
In this week’s Daily Shoah we present our Labor All Day Commie spectacular. The Death Panel takes on the Red Scare… or adds to it, depending on your particular worldview (all of which are totes valid and important). Morrakiu returns with another installment of the freshly renamed “Merchant Minute!”
On Saturday, August 9th, promising young black activist Michael Brown was ruthlessly assassinated by a white supremacist Ferguson policeman as the officer drove to his monthly Klan rally. According to reports, Brown was sitting on a park bench reading Michael Foucault’s “Discipline and Punish” to a group of street orphans when the cop parked alongside the curb, shouted “Niggers ain’t supposed to be readin’ boy!” and fatally shot Brown as he vainly attempted to shield himself from the deadly hail of gunfire behind his Noam Chomsky filled bookbag. As the youth lay gasping for breath, his last words were “Weep not for me, but for the future of our people.”
The black community of Ferguson, long held captive under the boot-heels of the all white Ku Klux Law Enforcement Brigade, finally rallied to action, ousted the vile racists, and took back their city. The police chief was revealed to be a Grand Dragon on national television, and was killed by a single shot from actor Jamie Foxx’s .45 caliber handgun while attempting to escape to his private helicopter pad with a black female hostage.
Recently ValleyWag exposed a pair of dastardly white racists who invented a GPS based application designed to highlight and cross compare local stores supplying matches, gasoline, 2x4s, and sturdy rope while simultaneously plotting efficient routes to the closest black churches in the area. Also included is free uploading to Stormfront.org of any successful lynching or boot-party, along with the option to tag all of your Klan buddies anonymously. Just kidding, what is actually being attempted here is far, far worse.
Recently Black Girl Dangerous, the ultimate proving ground for un-ironic post-modernist identity politics, featured an article by a “fat brown goddess” wistfully complaining that The Great White Cultural Leviathan had “colonized” everyone’s perceptions of love and beauty. Like most BGD posts, Caleb Luna’s article is a veritable gold mine for those of us suffering from a morbid fascination with the latest antics of the Social Justice Community. The sad tale begins with an immediate blame-shift phrased like a catechism in the opening sentence:
“Falling in love is dangerous for brown boys because, under white supremacy, we are not people to love.”
For a group that tries to make rational objectivity and scientific evaluation part of their very identity, you would think liberals would be somewhat immunized from credulously plunging into popular myths and downright paranoid conspiracy theories. Apparently believing yourself to be intellectually superior to the average bear actually makes one more prone to errors in reasoning. Here are a few hilariously blatant pieces of fiction that have become points of faith for the progressive Democrat crowd.
I’ve predicted for a while now that it’s only a matter of time before Cathy Reisenwitz, eager eyed young feminist and rent-seeker extraordinaire, finally achieves her life long ambition of being paid to speak at a conference of neckbearded libertarian social outcasts only to be clumsily hit on by one of the smellier basement dwellers while riding an elevator. This will allow her to realize her ultimate end game of ranting about patriarchal oppression at the hands of the male dominated libertarian community and kick off an ideological civil war inside of the liberty movement, eventually spawning Libertarian + with Reisenwitz ascending to the throne as their chief representative.