I'm not alt right, but in the last month I have come to accept my husband is. He has always spent most non-working hours on the computer happily typing away. I briefly became concerned he was having an affair, but it turned out to just be a preference for speaking to other white dudes about how great they all are. I was crestfallen when I stumbled upon his comments history. I have been with this man for 20 years and we are raising a daughter together. I was aware he was a light racist (raised in the South and all), but I never considered him to be cruel or malicious. I was devastated. I felt like I was seeing him for the first time and I couldn't believe I had missed it. We talked and he tried to "red pill" me, but after seeing behind the curtain (the horrible things he says and thinks), I was in no place to swallow anything. I decided that since this was clearly important to him, I would try to educate myself. At first it made sense. In a boiled down way, he just wanted a safer, better world for our daughter. How could I be angry with him for loving her differently than I do? But the more I read and saw, the less I want him influencing our kid. I am apparently a "shitlib," a "degenerate," and everything else he hates. I see no happy future for us. I even think he would be happier with someone more like him. He's a great dad and I would never take that from him, but he has made it clear he would disown our daughter for being a "degenerate." Since his definition is so narrow, I don't see how that can be avoided. I will choose her over him every time.
I feel abandoned and disliked. I love this man, but have gotten to where I cringe when he touches me. Furthermore, I see no value in a movement primarily comprised of anonymous keyboard warriors. I don't get the cutesy language and memes or the oh so clever (((parenthetical))) effect. I will never fall in line or lace up my boots or whatever y'all do. Maybe y'all should set up an alt right dating service. He certainly won't meet his second wife in the real world.
I guess the main question is what would you advise him to do? Should he seek happiness elsewhere? Ditch the deadweight and find himself someone of better stock?
The Alt Wife
Hello Alt Wife,
First, thank you for writing; it shows you want to save your marriage and that you’re even visiting our sites to better understand our worldview. You and your husband still have a chance, because only when you stop caring are you most likely doomed. I was in a similar situation not long ago.
I’m about to elaborate on what you may have felt, for our readers who perhaps have similar struggles:
You feel like someone suddenly, unfairly moved the goal posts to your husband’s advantage. The man you married is now someone entirely different, and his new viewpoints and politics mean that you’ll inevitably be left behind, because you’ve heard this male-centric movement doesn’t welcome women. You and he were best friends, sharing everything, and now you’re playing second fiddle to a tiny screen and hateful rhetoric. You’d almost rather he WERE having an affair with a woman because that would make sense; rather, this is a complete transformation from the sweet guy you wed into someone who uses the term ‘fascist’ unironically, or makes jokes about throwing people into ovens.
He’s withdrawing from the “normie” friendships you both had shared, and you’d be horrified if he expressed his true beliefs in public. He’s also unequivocally asserting himself and saying that there’s no turning back for him. It feels like he’s chosen a fringe political movement and men he’s never met in person over you, and that most of his other interests – including keeping you happy – have been abandoned in favor of the idea of saving the white race… which seems so far-fetched and ludicrous that you are mortified. Worst of all, you’ve got a kid with this sudden “stranger,” and you’re struggling with how you can possibly cohabitate, let alone thrive, with him any longer.
Forgive me if that’s not entirely correct; I’m LARPing as you a bit. But my guess is that many women have endured similar feelings as their men woke up, and they should know they’re not alone.
Put yourself in his shoes. The Alt Right has rejuvenated something that used to just be assumed by our white men: the ability to think and speak freely, without concern for what petty handwringers and tinpot totalitarians think of them. The grand history of white humanity – Roman legions, Dane conquests, seafaring exploration, men on the moon – was accomplished by men acting like men. They used to openly discuss racial and ethnic realities because the differences were obvious and significant. The false ideal of diversity has since been foisted on white people, while race realism has been stigmatized. Your husband is venting online, albeit anonymously, because he is rightfully rebelling against the sick hypocrisy in our society.
Our Alt Right men are also feeling liberated to return to what their biology and history stipulate: to protect and preserve their women, children, heritage, people, property, identities, faith and more: no excuses, no holds barred. If you think about it, it’s only in the past 40 or 50 years out of the entirety of human history in which white men have been told they should be ashamed of their ancestors, deferential to their inferiors, and allow women to stipulate their norms and actions.
What a lot of the Alt Right supports is the desire to let biology and human nature once again inform our life roles; women sustain life, men protect it (including by fighting our enemies, on the internet as well as IRL). What’s wrong with that? Would you prefer that your husband wander blindly through life, cheering for sportsball teams and engaging in useless banal banter with soft, doughy neighbors while new mosques spring up in your neighborhood and MS-13 blossoms in your city? Your man is trying to do something to secure your daughter’s safety, purity, and happiness, even if it’s presently from behind a screen. You say that you don’t want this man influencing your daughter, but here’s the brutal truth: he’s her father, he has her best interests in mind, and he will influence her regardless of your efforts.
Some of the best advice I can give as a woman who’s survived a similar dynamic is to try to gain a better understanding of the Alt Right outlook and our zany culture, and ask for your husband’s help in doing so. There’s a wide range of opinions on a variety of issues, so you may find that some of our core values resonate more than others (e.g., immigration restriction vs. hostility to Jewish power) and that your husband, understandably, holds more aggressive views. You may be shaking your head right now as you are determined to never embrace this movement, but your kid’s future depends on your willingness to explore your options for success instead of resorting to the destructive option of divorce. The Alt Right reveres marriage, and he undoubtedly wants to preserve your union.
An important clarification: your husband is not innocent in all of this. “Goys will be goys” doesn’t relieve him of his obligations as a husband, father, protector, friend, and partner. He has a sacred duty to assure your and your kid’s happiness, health, safety and future, and if he’s not living up to that, then he needs a swift kick in the ass.
As to your actual question (whoops!) about how the Waifus would advise your husband, well, I would truthfully recommend he devote more energy to red pilling you, and perhaps less on trolling. Though you might not see it yet, the truth is on our side, regardless of how involved you wish to become in the movement. Just like with religion, relationships are stronger when you follow the same politics. Your husband has essentially adopted a new religion, one that puts our people’s welfare first. Be grateful it’s not Islam!
If I had your husband’s input, I’d wager he would be ecstatic if you got on board with him; like you, he’s probably struggling mightily with your marital discord. You’ve indicated that you gave this movement a half-assed shot, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve really opened yourself up to the possibility you might like what you find, or - gasp! - that your husband is right. If your options as a family are antipathy, divorce, or accord… it seems to me like the sanest course of action is to try to understand his passion and make it work.
I know this isn’t easy. I sincerely wish you the best of luck, and would understand any decision you make. I’m open to providing additional pro bono counsel if needed, though respectfully, I remain pro-white and pro-Alt Right. -WJ
Dear Alt Wife,
I whole-heartedly concur with my colleague’s advice; she’s been through this and she knows what she’s talking about. I just want to add my two cents in order to specifically address some of the feelings you brought up. Regardless of whether you ever come to share your husband’s political views, the first priority here should be to save your marriage.
You indicate that because you hold views that your husband vehemently derides in others, you think that this is how he must feel about you: a “degenerate” and a “shitlib.” You perceive that his feelings for you must have changed, and you seem to suggest that this is part of the catalyst for why your feelings for him have likewise changed. It seems to me that this relationship needs to be rebuilt on a basic level: he has fallen down on his duties as a husband. I don’t know the specifics of your marriage vows, but I suspect he made a promise to love you, if not to honor and to cherish. His job is making sure that you are safe and loved. In order to rebuild this relationship, he has to show you that’s true. This, of course, is not a one-way street; you made vows as well. I was once told, a long time ago, by an old married man, that a woman who is both sexually and emotionally satisfied won’t cheat, and won’t leave. That’s probably true, although emotionally satisfying a woman can often be trickier than it sounds!
The fact that you’ve written to us tells me that you really do want to try to salvage this marriage somehow. While he’s unlikely to take our word for it, I hope that he has made some male friends in the Alt Right who will talk to him about his obligations as a husband and protector. You are bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. His first duty is to his family.
In the words of Obergruppenfuhrer Smith:
“A man is only ever as strong as the people around him. The community he serves, as the family he’s sworn to protect. Whatever strength he has, he draws from them. And for them he must be prepared to give everything. His life for his blood. Or else…or else everything he has done has been for nothing. He is nothing.”
Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. –CD