Alt-Right Office Management Tips

Do you manage an office? Do you want to get the most out of your crypto White nationalist workforce? Show them you appreciate their contributions to the firm and want to promote their career development by adopting some of these easy and helpful changes:

Tendies, not Donuts. No more sugar highs and crashes from those high-carb pastries. Look, when you bring donuts to the office, you're basically telling people to eat leftover dough as a means of positive reinforcement. Why not instead microwave or bake a plate of comfy and delicious tendies for people to snack on? Because you've never thought of it before. You're probably wishing you had tendies right now.

Consider getting a frog as the office pet. Taking care of an office pet builds a sense of teamwork and group identification. Frogs are widely revered as symbols of good fortune and total victory. Having a frog in the office can thus yield better synergies.

Amend the harassment policy. Dropping a large stack of papers on a Hispanic or Latino coworker's desk and shouting "Build the Wall" should not be considered grounds for disciplinary action. And if people feel they are in a "hostile work environment," let them telecommute. Odds are they aren’t doing anything important or required to be physically present to do their job anyway.

Renovate the cafeteria. People want to be on their phones shitposting during their lunch breaks, not chatting with careerist sociopaths. Add USB hubs to every table so your workforce stays charged. Consider installing dividers between tables so that autistes do not have to worry about screen privacy while using their devices.

Start the day with a morning ritual. Some (((people))) may complain that you are starting a "fascist cult of personality," but I think having your employees salute President Trump each day while reciting the pledge of allegiance is a nostalgic throwback to one’s schooldays and a great team-building exercise.

No more sportsball discussions. They’re the same every day anyway, only with palette-swapped teams and players. Instead, a conversation topic should be posted by the water cooler each day. Examples of exciting past questions include: "Is Argentina White?"; "Do you support the right to own recreational nukes?"; "Richard Spencer?"; "Which state would you expel from the Union?"; and "What would you have done differently in WWII?"

Sponsor monthly meme contests. Whoever makes the best meme gets a $20 Chick-fil-A gift card. This will galvanize your employees to always think creatively and keep their eyes on the prize.

Make atmospheric adjustments. Abstract art is weird and alienating. Hang paintings of famous battles and historical events on the walls of your office to inspire you employees to Faustian heights. Play white noise over the intercom to reduce stress. Use as much black and gold as you can in your interior design to create a big league workspace.

Give special badges to establishment climbers. Let everyone know who is accomplishing what; it makes for spirited competition.

Also published at Atlantic Centurion.

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Another voice on the Alt-Right and a White nationalist. Macroaggression Consultant at Bagelbaum & Associates LLC. Like my effortposting? Gib e-shekels: 1PVR3UtoHMTfHw2JbW22qXxvd9i8PXiAHi
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