In an age where literally every movie only exists because it existed before we’re “lucky” enough to get a digital version of The Jungle Book. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Rudyard Kipling was a White male Imperialist who probably hated every group of people except for his own and thought women were supposed to be relegated to support roles. Why should I care about his stupid book and the movies made out of it? He basically raped India by appropriating their culture and hijacking their folktales for propaganda purposes. I’d rather watch the awesome Ghostbusters remake.” Well, friend, you’re in luck. I’m not going to go into the history of Kipling’s original tale nor am I going to compare this film to the 1967 one (or the 1990s version that maybe 1,488 people saw). In this article I’ll just be discussing the Current Year’s iteration of the story and its microcosmic relationship to the world. For purposes of expediency I shall assume the reader is already a shitlord.
First of all, it was directed by (((Jon Favreau))). The same guy who was responsible for Elf. A real humanitarian. Secondly, in order for the accurate reading of the film to be gotten at one must disregard the ethnicity of the voice actors (except for Bill Murray). For example, a Black man (Idris Elba) voiced the character whose name is in the title. Ironically, everything the Black man says makes perfect sense for the securing of a country and future for White children. Leave it up to a Jew to confuse everyone with such an underhanded trick. Tsk, tsk. Finally we have the problem of Mowgli. Sometimes he exists simply as a vehicle for the story, other times he functions as a stand-in for Muslim refugees, he’s even a goy analog at one point.
The film starts out with Mowgli being taught how to run through the jungle by Bagheera the panther and a bunch of cucked wolves. We follow him to the pack’s lair where we’re introduced to his adopted liberal wolf mother. Here is the first salient point for the Alt-Right reading of the film: Fagheera, in his infinite wisdom, was the one responsible for Mowgli’s presence in the wolf pack. Even though every animal in the jungle agreed upon the fact that Man and his Red Flower (fire) were two of the most dangerous things in all of existence Fagheera basically decided “NAxALT” and brought the baby Mowgli to Akela the Alpha Male of the wolf pack. The reasoning behind Akela’s acceptance of the mancub into his pack is never explained. We’re forced to assume that he was a liberal and, as such, was addicted to virtue signaling. Maybe he was one of those Swedish wolves I’m always hearing about.
We find in the wolf pack an analog for the majority of useful idiots who operate under the assumption that democracy is God’s greatest gift to the world. People who work hard, vote Republican and support the party no matter what stupid war the country is getting dragged into. They’re seen reciting a mantra that has to do with “the strength of the pack being the wolf and the strength of the wolf being the pack.” Clearly these guys know something about Natural Law. They’re predators who exist at the highest rungs of the food chain thanks to cooperation and the subjection of individual will to the betterment of the pack. Unfortunately, for (((one reason or another))) they’re making it their business to raise a potentially dangerous mancub. Where did they go wrong? Or maybe they’ve reached a point where their generations of hard work has lead to their having a surplus of goods and now they’re ready to spread the wealth around to all other peoples of The Jungle, including Mowgli. We can only speculate, fam.
Okay, so then the story kicks in when a really bad drought hits and a sacred stone named “the peace rock” (or something equally gay and Burning Man-esque) is revealed in a nearly dry riverbed. It’s revealed that there is an ancient pact amongst all the animal peoples of The Jungle that whenever the peace rock is revealed they must call a truce and not eat each other for as long as the stone is above water. I’m reminded of the line uttered by The Blue Raja in the film Mystery Men: “All I’m saying is, when we split the cheque three ways the steak-eater picks the pocket of the salad-man.” Of course this deal would be lauded as “important” and “necessary” by all the prey animals. They’re not the ones going hungry for the duration.
Cue the film’s actual hero, Shere Khan. This bad tiger mother fucker struts in talking about “catching up on” everybody’s scents and realizes real quick that there’s a mancub in their midst. An altercation ensues wherein the wolves rally around Mowgli and defend him as one of their own. In typical shitlord FASHion Shere Khan tells everybody in the vicinity, “Fuck that. A man put out my eye and burnt my fucking face up. I’ll eat you and your little dog, too.” Then leaves. It was at this point that I thought to myself, “Well, he might be voiced by a black guy but damn. That digital tiger sounds like a lot of the people who I admire most. Kinda reminds me of Mike Enoch and his comic books.” So I kept my ears perked.
At this point Fagheera realizes his pet mancub is going to be eaten by a tiger if he doesn’t make him go back to his filthy village so he begins prodding the young fellow in that general direction. Funny how that always seems to happen. As the pair wander into a herd of grazing water buffalo they’re ambushed by Shere Khan who wastes no time in exerting his agency and physically removing the migrant freeloader. Fagheera once again fucks things up and Mowgli evades death-by-tiger by catching a ride on the back of a water buffalo, yet again making another local animal literally bear the burden of his presence.
Next the filmmakers attempt to paint Shere Khan as definitely “wrong” and “bad” in the audience’s mind. We find the old chap meandering up to the cucky wolves’ home territory in search of Mowgli. After he realizes the wolves allowed the boy to steal away with Fagheera, Shere Khan gives ol’ Akela a complimentary helicopter ride right off the fuckin’ cliff and into eternity. Hope they have organic, free-range grassfed wolf food in heaven, buddy. Somehow I doubt it. Good on ya, Khan.
Simultaneously we have Mowgli running into Kaa the giant serpent who hypnotizes him by recounting the tale of his arrival in the Jungle. Apparently Mowgli’s father, a dirty refugee named Pajeet, was run into a cave by the Freedom Fighter Shere Khan and killed, but not before he aloha snackbar’ed Based Khan’s face and eye. In the original film Kaa was a male, but in Current Year fashion He has now become a She. But you know what? It actually fits. A dangerous, hypnotic being who uses Sexy Voice and visual appeal to basically eat you is more of a woman thing anyway, unfortunately for the West. Get your shit together, ladies. And quit leaving your sick shed skin all over the place.
Anyway, Baloo (or as I like to call him “Bajew”) the bear saves Mowgli and tricks him into helping him. Telling the poor little refugee that he “owes” him, Bajew forces him to climb a sheer cliff and secure honey from a swarm of bees. “Won’t they sting me?” Mowgli asks. “No, these kind don’t sting,” says the stinking Jew Bear (voiced by Bill Murray). Of course, the hapless rube gets stung all to shit and told by the Jew: “Oh, I thought those were females. They don’t sting. They looked like females from down here.” (Or something like that, I’m going on memory. I really didn’t feel like downloading a shaky camera phone bootleg of this movie for research purposes.) So in this situation we see Mowgli taking on the role of the goy. Wandering into something he doesn’t understand, being told he owes something (think financial system, “Muh Holocaust!”, etc.) and working hard at no benefit to himself to simply line the pockets of the Jew. As if further confirmation was necessary we have several smaller animals wandering up and commenting on Bajew’s use of Mowgli. “It’s not gonna work, they always get stung and run away.” says one. “It’s not a monkey, it’s a mancub,” corrects the Jew Bear. Of course we all know what he means by “monkey.” Apparently the slippery fellow has been wont to run the same scam on hapless Apeloid Americans. Where have we seen that before? (Hint: #blacklivesmatter.)
At this point we have one of the most “OF COUUUURRRSE” moments of the entire film. It was right here that I realized, once and for all, that Meme Magick truly was real. Not only is it real but it’s damn potent; and it’s on our side. Cut to Based Khan sitting on the top of wolf mountain with a few little cubs in betwixt his arms. We find him telling the doctrinally-challenged wolf babies about, of all things, the cuckoo bird. That’s right, fam. Khan goes on to illustrate just why the cuckoo bird is so dangerous and undesirable. “And do you know what happens to the mother bird’s babies?” Khan asks the wolf pups, “They die from neglect.” I really got the hebrew jebrews (Latin for heebie jeebies) at that point. Steepling my fingers in front of my face I settled in, confident in the accuracy of my reading of this film. Truly KEK shines upon our endeavors.
Back to Bajew and Mowghamed. The two are really having a great time dicking off and using technology to steal honey for the bear’s upcoming “hibernation” when suddenly Fagheera pops back up. Mowgli shows him all the honey they’ve stockpiled for the oncoming winter. “You’re a jungle bear! You don’t even hibernate!” chides Bagheera. “Oy vey, maybe I don’t hibernate but you know 6 million of my relatives did. In ovens! That’s why Goygli has to work for me. #neverforget.” Anyway, Fagheera convinces Bajew to lie to Mowgli one more time and tell him that he never liked him so that the boy will run off back to his village. It works, he runs and then a monkey shows up.
Now, in fims where animals speak the ones who are incapable of using language are usually stand-ins for uncivilized groups of people or for “evil” forces in general. Think T-Rex from The Land Before Time. So the monkey can’t speak. Mowgli tries to shoo it away but is faced with persistent ridicule even to the point of the thing mocking his language in monkeyspeak. Right at that moment he’s grabbed from above by a hairy dindu and carried off into the trees eventually winding up at a delapidated temple complex. Vines grow all over the weatherworn surface, uncivilized apes leap and hop through a shadowy hallway that terminates in an open space filled with fruit and useless old bronze pots.
Here we find a massive diabetic ape-woman who sits on an old broken throne. With the voice of Christopher Walken the apeloid tries to convince Mowgli to give him the red flower. Then he sings a shitty, boring version of the great King Louie song from the original movie. You know, the one that always made you think, “are they singing about Black people wanting to be like White people”? PROTIP: They were. Okay, so Bajew and Fagheera come in and break Mowgli out, but the babbling crowd of Basketball Americans literally chimp out and chase him through the temple. Eventually Louie gets covered in a pile of stones when the temple collapses. All I could think throughout this entire segment was “We wuz kangz.” ‘Nuff said.
I’m gonna jump forward a little bit because most of the relevant Alt-Right points have been covered. At this point Mowgli decides to go to the man village and steal some fire in order to fight Shere Khan. Of course, on his rage-fueled jog through the jungle sparks fall to the ground and start a massive wildfire. In a fiery showdown Shere Khan tells Mowgli that now everyone is more afraid of him and his fire than they were of him. Mowgli stupidly throws his fire into the water and is promptly attacked by Based Khan. Anyway, big fight, blah blah. Jumping digital animals screaming at each other. It all culminates in a fiery tree battle where Khan is tricked into jumping on a rotten limb. It snaps and the last protector of Natural Law in the jungle plummets to his doom in a flaming pit. After the death of the last animal who wanted to Make Jungle Great Again it can only be assumed that all the carnivorous animals starved to death for fear of offending anyone by exercising their natural impulses. The herbivores then enjoyed a brief period of abundant food without the risk of being eaten followed by overpopulation and eventual mass extinction by starvation. Thus always to cucks and weaklings.
Before writing this article I sketched out the thesis to a family member. They sat silently, staring forward as I explained each point. When I finished they took off their glasses and chuffed a semi-exasperated breath. “Don’t you ever just watch anything for entertainment?” they asked. To that I was forced to double down and respond: It is that mindset which allows these subtle lies to take hold and slowly poison the minds and hearts of the captive population. What we brush off as simply “fun” or “entertainment” are in fact some of the most insidious influences we are faced with as a people. Look at the current generation, the first one to have been raised with 24-hour media saturation. See how cynical, nihilistic and petulant they are. They believe in nothing yet feel that they are owed everything. It wasn’t only their parents who taught them this. It was the all-pervasive media. And who controls that media? I think we know, fam. I think we know.
So, yes, this is a dark time. But it is also an exciting time. There is something happening. Every day I see signs of a mass awakening. Trump’s rise to power has been a glorious thing to witness. The ascendancy of the shitlord has been quick and decisive. Every day the ranks swell with plucky, dedicated trolls and intelligent younglings. Our God Emperor’s power waxes and like the central sun of heavenly concourse He shines his Based light upon us all. History is on our side, brothers. We must simply press on.