Allahu Akbar! May blessings be upon your camel, your goat, and your nine-year-old bride(s)!
Great tidings have come to us from across the sea, from the land of the infidels in the Northern Island beyond the Franks, that our Islamic son, Saddiq of Khan, has won a great victory over the pork-eaters, and has been elected by the kufars and the unbelievers to the Emirate of Londinistan, where already we are raising great mosques and minarets to call the faithful to prayer, and where already we are teaching the sons of donkeys of the English to lower their eyes and beer cans before the beloved of Allah.
The English truly are born to be slaves by the light of Allah! Our mighty warrior Saddiq of Khan discovered their weakness--undoubtedly brought upon them by the foul vice of eating pork--that of Sig-n’al-In, a mysterious disease of the mind that makes them raise up that which is low, pull down that which is high, and treat the enemy as the friend and the friend as the enemy. Such is the workings by which Allah gives unto us this world to be the Dar-al-Islam.
It for this reason that the kufar chose as their only defender Zac Goldsmith, a lowly Jew, those renowned swallowers of Hell fire and eternal denizens of Jahannam.
This Goldsmith, a feeble creature, was crushed by our mighty Emir Saddiq of Khan and the powerful local kufar tribe of S’ Tay A’ t-Hom by a mighty 56% to 43% to bring lamentations and the gnashing of teeth to the infidels and their unsightly and over-aged women (who--may there be a fatwa to excuse it--are still not too bad to rape, especially in the back of a mini cab).
Truly Allah has resolved to confound these sons of pigs and children of the Devil, these kufars and handmaidens of vice, these sons and daughters of debauchery in their heresy and degeneracy to lay them open to the swords of the Muslims, who already throng into the City of Londinistan and the lands of the Dar al-Harab in expectation of our final victory.
May the victory of Saddiq of Khan, whose breath smellth of pomegranates and fountains of incense, increase our number in that far off land beyond the Franks--which, Allah willing, shall also feel our blades--and ensure that our many wives receive the mysterious blessing, found only in those strange Northern lands, known as U’ el-fair, so that they may continue to outbreed the pig-women of the English with their hair like that of a baby camel. In this way, Allah will give that land and all others to the Muslims and make the sons and daughters of the kufar slaves to the Faithful and beloved of Allah. Insha'Allah!
Originally published at Dabiq