The Conservative Case for Trump

The weak, ineffectual movement leaders who have failed to conserve anything whatsoever for fifty years are writing article after article on why you shouldn't vote for Trump (or even let Hillary win). As a smart, bright-eyed person who hits the gym regularly and enjoys the company of attractive women, you are asking, "Wait, why should I listen to the advice of failures?" And that's why you're here. It turns out that Donald Trump is a great choice for a conservative, and you're going to learn why.

  • Donald Trump doesn't hate you. "Whoa," you say. "How is merely 'doesn't hate me' anything to get excited about?" You see, dear conservative reader, the leaders of the Republican Party do hate you. Their chief interests are their sinecures in the Party, the flow of funds from donors, and hobnobbing in the Washington social scene. Conservative voters are an obstacle, an embarrassment, a painful cyst they would cut out of the Party if they didn't need the votes. That's why they have done nothing but betray you in Washington for decades. Trump, by contrast, doesn't have a long-term agenda for the Party, doesn't need a sinecure, doesn't have billionaire donors to answer to, and despises the beady-eyed nerds who run Washington. The conservatives in Congress will discover it is far, far easier to negotiate with Mr. Trump for things they want than it is with Mitch McConnell or Paul Ryan.
  • Trump makes deals, not compromises. A "compromise," in Washington terms, is where Republicans agree to allow the Democrats to have only part of their agenda in exchange for delaying the rest of the agenda until later. A "deal" is where you walk away from the table with what you wanted to begin with in exchange for things you didn't care about. It's pretty clear that Trump isn't very ideological. Since Republicans control Congress, this is a great deal for them. If they actually want to defund Planned Parenthood or repeal Obamacare, they'll be able to do those things in exchange for things like funding a US-Mexico wall and forcing Japan to open its markets to US companies. And if (i.e. when) they don't, you will know exactly whom to blame.
  • Trump has put McConnell in self-destruct mode. Conservatives have no greater enemy in Washington than Mitch McConnell. By promising to help get Hillary elected, McConnell is going to find himself in an impossible place when Trump wins. The collapse of him and the rest of the GOP establishment will create a ripe opportunity for conservative leadership to take the reins. The traditional GOP leadership, which has been primarily concerned about soliciting donations from amoral Jewish billionaires and making liberal journalists like them, will be unable to work with Trump, who is 100% opposed by that crowd. Conservatives will be much more effective.
  • Trump actually does care about deficits. You can find audio and video of Trump going back decades where he gripes about US federal spending, and people don't suddenly change their beliefs at age 70. Trump's a CEO. Staying in the black matters to him. It's not just something he says for votes.
  • Jeff Sessions is advising Trump. This doesn't mean Trump is a conservative. What it does mean is that Trump cares what conservatives want. A President who cares about conservative issues for purely pragmatic, tactical reasons cares about them far more than any GOP President we've had in at least 30 years. Stop fretting about whether he truly holds them in his heart. The fact is he's going to give you a lot of what you want if you show up at the table. That's how deals work. You can get a lot of things you want that don't matter to the other guy. Trump is a CEO, not a politician, so he's built his success on delegating things to competent people who can do the job he needs them to do. Look at who he's delegating to. In a successful business, PR is just to get you to buy the product. Underneath is a well-oiled machine. Don't look at the pitch men. Look at who's actually running the machine. That's not a who's who of liberalism, I can tell you that.
  • A Trump win means the end of being nice to the left. Admit it: deep in your heart, you're attracted to Trump's ability to control the media via his sheer contempt for them after seeing them take Romney and Ryan to the woodshed back in 2012. Conservatives desperately need to shake themselves of this idea that it matters one whit whether the New York Times calls them bigots. It doesn't. Stop worrying about that. Hopefully, the next time a liberal calls you a bigot, you'll call him a low-energy loser, and you'll have Trump to thank for that.
  • Demographics are driving conservative values into non-existence. We hit this point a lot here, but it bears repeating: HISPANICS. ARE. SOCIALISTS. Somehow, it's easy for conservatives to understand why mass migration from California to Colorado turned the latter state blue, but they can't understand why mass migration from Latin America to the USA is making Third World-style socialism more and more politically viable every year. This isn't hard, folks. We don't control the border, we lose America. Forever. 8 more years of open borders means America is done.

That's it, that's the case. Trump isn't just the lesser of two evils. He's a great pick for any ideological conservative who doesn't want to lose the country to La Raza and the neocons.

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Hateful Heretic is a jerk.