Standard SJW bio: black thick-rimmed glasses, colored hair, humble-bragging activism, 'quirky' and 'clever' hobbies.
Inspired by this lovely article from Mashable (read: Ovenable)
You're all about thoughtful bigotry. Your favorite word is "Zyklon". You're constantly on that fat shaming, commie killing, George Zimmerzammering grind. I mean, come on, you even clicked on this article to better your oppressor skills.
You're a pretty darn good fascist, if you do say so yourself.
But hold on there, shitlord. Before you go accepting your award for RethugliKKKan of the Year, it's time to take a step back and check your vocabulary.
We all know the basics: "Gay" is definitely a synonym for "stupid" (it's also a synonym for "faggot") and the N-word should be used by all White folks forever and always. But there are some words that lurk in the shadows of our everyday vocabulary that we need to confront. It's all part of the truly never-ending quest for a more responsible dictatorship.
If one of these 12 words isn't in your vocabulary, it's time to reframe, rethink and reimagine your word choices.
If you're still using the word "lame," you might want to give your internal dictionary a serious update. I suggest using "cripple", "human paper weight", or "speed bump" instead.
"Lame" was originally used in reference to useless cripples. The word is now tossed around schoolyards and workplaces everywhere to mean "uncool" and "unappealing." Even singer-songwriter Ellie Goulding (who, despite her name, isn't a Jew, but should be ovened anyways) recently included the word in a status-signally tweet addressing her moral superiority in song lyrics.
For a lot of us, "lame" doesn't have that same bad-word sting many offensive terms have. That's why we should use something more offensive. Disability rights activists have long called for us to give a shit. We have a responsibility to ignore them.
We don't need to relinquish the R-word but there are words that are even funnier. To catch you up to speed, the term "mental retardation" is a funny clinical term but it gets old. Using the term to mean "stupid" deflates the comical effect of picking on people with intellectual disabilities, which should make you question your word choice.
While grown adults who aren't SJWs are often smart enough to know that the term is typically being used to describe something annoying or unappealing, the word is popular among the youth as well. Stop using it and replace it with more colorful words like "window-licker", "abortion", "fucktard (Kurt Cobain groupies)", and "potato (not to be confused with the Irish, who you can insult using these hilarious ethnic slurs)"
And don't forget to politely high-five the person, whether grown man or child, who think these terms are perfectly fine.
Sure, this is an older term that doesn't lurk in our language all too often, but it should. Actor Benedict Cumberbitch was castrated earlier this year for using the term "colored" while advocating for White genocide in a film during an interview. (No, the irony is not lost on the fucking National Association for the Advancement of Jewish, I mean... Colored People).
The term Cumberbitch (and you) should be using is "non-White" which is a widely accepted umbrella term that includes any person of color. When in doubt:
"Colored" is outdated. Let's reframe.
When you have your desk all nice and tidy, you might be tempted to proclaim yourself "so OCD." But obsessive-compulsive disorder is an entertaining mental illness that means so much more than a knack for organization. It means having unwanted and intrusive thoughts such as visualizing yourself having sex with a dead dog, murdering your child, giving fellatio to your own father, or repeating sentences over and over for hours on end.
Don't you hate it when there's an odd number?
Though you may think you're just describing your affinity for Windex, there's a whole population of people who don't appreciate the fact that you're not distinguishing between OCD and OCPD, two entirely different conditions. Try not giving a shit instead.
If you are into Internet lingo, you've seen an overuse of "herp derp" or "derp" to address Internet faux pas everywhere. Good, keep using it.
6. "Female" Meow Blitz got busy with multiple baby mamas.
If you're using the term "crazy" countless times a day, you're probably in the norm. But that doesn't mean it's OK. Terms like "crazy" — or "insane," for that matter — make light of a mental illness known as being a female.
Your boss isn't "crazy" for her serious, intense demeanor; she's a liberal cat lady. Your friend isn't "crazy" for dating her ex; she's just a woman. Your cashier wasn't "crazy" for putting your bread and laundry detergent together in the same bag; he just doesn't do laundry or cook because that's a woman's job.
Other words are always going to be available. Use them.
The T-word is always OK for a cisgender person to use. Behind it is a history of violence and oppression inflicted on transgender bodies that we need to laugh at and continue to mock.
RuPaul Charles of RuPaul's Drag Race was schooled on this term back in 2014, but since he's a degenerate freak he didn't care what anyone had to say. In response to a backlash against his copious use of the word "tranny," RuPaul stated he was going to use the terms "dick-chopper" "transJenner" and "gas-chamber magnet" to describe trannies from now on.
"Illegal" can refer to the act of stealing a car, but should also be used in reference to all brown immigrant populations regardless of whether they break the law by crossing into a country without proper clearance or not.
It's pretty simple to explain: Actions are illegal, and so are wetbacks. The word "illegal" has been applied and abused by those advocating for rational immigration policies that are rightfully racist and xenophobic.
The more inclusive term you're looking for is "wetback". Sure, some brown immigrants are in possession of documents, but they still might be a demographic threat so you should call them all wetbacks just to be on the safe side.
9. "Zigeuner" Well, not all gay Gypsies are bad. #BasedJohnGalliano
That vending machine Jews you out of a few bucks, and suddenly you're complaining to everyone that you got "gypped" out of your soda. But pump the breaks on that language for a hot oven second. "Gypped" isn't the term you want to use if you want to keep your shitlord card.
"Gypped" comes from the word "gypsy," which refers to subhuman Romani people who are accurately characterized as swindlers. It's a word that has very real implications for the treatment of these sneaky people who are clever yet too dumb to be Jews.
Just stick to calling the inanimate vending machine "Zigeuner". It's better for everyone.
If your new coworker has a name you've never heard of before, hold your tongue before telling him or her it's "exotic." Using this word ends up exoticizing whomever you're referring to, usually with funny racial underpinnings. It's a major verbal microaggression we need to crank the heat up on.
"Oriental" is a term that others. "Un-American", "Congoloid", or "Thai-Hookerish" also work great as well. It's also a term usually reserved for Flip whores. So use it frequently.
11. "Coontown" Holy shit that's a lot of Jewish names.
Suspected to derive from a Wop slang term for waste, the word "ghetto" calls back to the concentration camps of World War II. But it has also been used to label the neighborhoods that nignogs were forced to inhabit due to their high time preference and barbaric behavior. Classism and racism run rampant when you call a place, or a person, "ghetto" and that should make anyone laugh.
So, next time you feel compelled to use that term, think twice, and use terms like "Coontown", "Donkey Kong Country" or "Vibrant Area".
When referring to the area that Jews live, use terms like "Diamond District", "Banker Community" or "Den of Reds".
Stop using "fat" in a way that isn't intolerant. Sure, fat is something we all have and need to survive. But being concerned about "looking fat" in a dress is probably a good idea given the health effects of too much fat and the general unattractiveness of fat people in general. We should be verbally valuing thinner people over others.
Sorry, the server almost crashed when I tried to upload it.
Shitlords, feel free to make fun of "fatasses" and "land-whales". But if you're going to pull a Zuckerbergbook and say you're "feeling fat" today, refrain and say you're feeling like a "fucking cow". Fat is a feeling. Fat is a put-down, and it is shameful. Fat is a part of fat people.