A New Hero for Our Leftist Friends

Unless you have been busy LARPing or you don’t get good cable reception in your mom’s basement, you have certainly already heard that Jon Stewart is leaving The Daily Show on Comedy Central. This was bound to happen, and in and of itself is not really worth my time to comment on. What makes it fascinating is who has been chosen to replace Stewart: a little known South African comedian named Trevor Noah.

Leftists of America, crushed by the impending departure of their Patron Saint Stewart, suddenly had new hope. The flagship fake news program of liberal dildoism will continue unabated!

In a stunning coup of supreme status signaling, Comedy Central had the good sense to make sure that not only is Noah not an American (and therefore well qualified to talk about America to Americans), he is bi-racial and a survivor of apartheid. These facts alone are surely enough to help even the most reasonable American leftist achieve climax without even touching themselves as the peruse DailyKOS articles. Even Rolling Stone is cooing over the choice of Noah to succeed Stewart, and we all know what a prestigious journalistic enterprise they are (unless you count that college rape story that was bogus, but that is neither here nor there).

but wait there is more
How could this possibly be good news?
There is only one problem: it turns out that Trevor has a Twitter account that he put to good use over the past few years. And suddenly Trevor isn’t the hero he seemed at first glance. He might even be a little based.

OH. Oops.
OH. LOL. Oops. Say it ain’t so, Trevor.
Now, far be it from me to disparage Mr. Noah. In point of fact, these comments are, arguably, in keeping with the spirit of TRS resistance. This may be a moment of triumph for our alt-right compatriots and wizards of fedora’d neckbeardery. WE already know that women lack agency. WE already know that a yarmulke is practically required attire for capitalistic domination and manipulation of the goyim. WE already think Shoah jokes are hilarious. AND NOW THE LEFT WILL KNOW TOO. They have no choice. This is their new mouthpiece. This is the man that will shove the dildos in their mouths and the talking points in their ears. This is the future they chose, where unintended consequences are the only metric that even matters.

So I say, in the spirit of fair play, that we give Trevor a chance. Will it be pure dildos? Absolutely. This is practically inevitable. But it is making the true believer leftists very uncomfortable all of a sudden, and that may be good enough for now. The left is always terribly offended that opposing points of view exist, and that makes the irony so very delicious in this matter.

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There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be fixed by crushing modern liberalism.