Spending For The Future: The Liberal Strategic Dildos Plan

Whether anyone likes it or not  it’s a fact of life that a first world nation needs warplanes; the NAP, free mansions, guaranteed income for homeless people, and schools for babies with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome be damned. Every elaborately constructed social theory comes ripping apart if the people who believe it can’t stop someone with other morals from launching a volley of missiles at them from inside their air defenses. Most grown ups who aren’t LARPing Red Dawn/Walking Dead want to make sure our enemies know we’re not playing around. Not ‘Occupy Democrats’ though. They’re ready to tackle the big problems. Big problems like the desperate Elementary School Gap- we need to double the number of elementary schools STAT! There’s money out there going to something that’s NOT progressive and that’s problematic. They saw “money” and “waste” and figured- here’s an opportunity to trigger libertarians and peg John Q. Public with eleventy billion dildos.

if only 137 billion dildos could shut your whore mouth
…even eleventy billion dildos isn’t enough to make them shut their whore mouths
Normally I would have said something snarky about how a ghost town full of elementary schools filled with rotting food won’t make the Russians think twice about contesting US airspace. But then again, neither will the F-35 (ba-dum-tsh). But the question isn’t really the cost of the program. Congress and the Pentagon have been whittling away at the order total for a while. It was a boondoggle precisely because they made it a boondoggle and now it’s time to play spin doctor and pretend they’ve been above this messy affair preaching peace and guaranteed income and universal healthcare while bajillions was poured into the military-industrial-crony complex. Frame up, toss in some feels bullet points with completely asinine arbitrary-as-fuck made-up numbers ($2 lunches? Really?) and you’ve got the makings of a meme every side can get behind. Corruption! Small government! Rent-seeking!

Between this and the left libertarian version- “mansions for the homeless” (HAH! Gay! for 10¹⁰⁰ hours) their proposal for spending that money reads like Obama’s Christmas list. Free school! Free food! Free houses! Free healthcare! Subsidies for the healthcare mandate nobody wanted! The head of John the Boehner on a platter.

I’m surprised using it as the down payment on 100 trillion in reparations wasn’t on there.

Personally I’m with Mike Enoch on this one- that money is better spent on a boondoggle. SJWs would clamor for it to be passed out to Basketball and Leafblower Americans, Dems would hand it out like leftover hog jowls on Easter to remind them they want the D(GA). At least this way the money goes to engineers, machine operators, drafters and other high-wage high-IQ hawhytes and Asians. That much money allocated to Dindu American reparations would end up boiling down to:

Dindu's air defense budget has some gaps
Dindu’s air defense budget has some gaps
Democrats spent just as much time and energy defending this program mercilessly in their own home states interests time and again and now they want to frame it as a matter of Republicans ruining America with their damn wars. Tsk, tsk. Le Smug English Comedian Face. Let’s accept the reality of what we’re reading here. They’re saying: “We can turn anything into a matter of right-wingers, their dummkopf backwards priorities and their lust for the blood of brown babies.”

"Then Imma find a way to rent-seek from it".
“Wherever I am, I must also rent-seek”.
It’s like Leftception. Or SJ-liens where a Chomsky egg wraps itself around your neck posing as a trendy lumberjack beard, where it deposits a larva  that bursts from your chest later and seeks out rich sources of white guilt before metamorphosing into Big Red to lay yet more SJW eggs.

Occupy Democrats and Blue Street Journal seem to have forgotten the early JSF program decision to give two companies “a big ass pile of money” to build a pair of prototypes because neither party could get enough votes for one contractor to pass a resolution, plus there was that pesky mandatory open bid, so Congressmen and Senators from many states had to be coaxed. Since day one the JSF- One Plane To Rule Them All Designed By Committee- was giving off bad signs. When the first design proposals (all 2 of them) were evaluated our choices were: a single-engine F-15 retexture with really nice computers and a futuristic flying whale.

Hurrrrr Im plane
Hurrrrr Im plane
As soon as the decision was made Norm Dicks (D-WA) and Carl Levin (D-MI) were in the Armed Services Committees demanding a second alternative engine be developed in parallel. The DoD said “no way” because it made things too complicated for Lockheed to have to work around two motors, but Levin & Dicks wouldn’t relent and GE &  Rolls Royce were contracted to develop the alternate engine- to the tune of $6 billion. Meanwhile it was those zany Tea Party freshmen Congressmen led by John McCain who wanted to 86 it. Blue Street and Occupy Ovens forgot when Carl Levin (D-MI) got in front of the Armed Services Committee he was the Chairman of and said cancelling the unneeded second engine would leave America defenseless if Pratt & Whitney were unable to deliver- it was a monopoly! Dangerous even! Jobs! If Bernie Sanders’ home district produced TEMPEST-compliant wiring harnesses for Northrop Grumman’s AESA radar I bet he’d pass right over the share button on this one too. The Democrat-led house voted to keep funding $100 billion/year development of the F-35 program three times and went nanners when mean ol’ budget slashy Republicans made them cut $1 billion in food stamps. It seems any funding that doesn’t go into their pockets or white privilege education and checking classes is cruelty. Check your privilege. Check your priorities. Check your perception, I think you got a bad bong-rip there, skippy.

The “priorities” were clear when Norm (D-WA) called it “the big enchilada” and formed a caucus to save the F-35’s funding when it was on the chopping block. Despite the Democrat majority the GE/Rolls engine program wasn’t terminated for another 2 years, costing an additional $2 billion. Double what the Republicans wanted cut from EBT. Even Bill Nelson (D-FL) expressed continued enthusiasm for the project last year after it was grounded for catching on fire and nearly killing a dude. Lockheed has administrative offices that handle technical processing and some light fabrication and one of GE’s project management offices is not far from CENTCOM here in the heart of his territory. I wonder if he’s shared this meme yet. For years the Democrats were crying about cutbacks and cancellations to the JSF while the rising Tea Party candidates were all fire and budget brimstone, led by John McCain- who would have had many of those planes stationed at bases in his states but decided “jobs” wasn’t worth “broken money hole”.

Shucks, if only those warhawk TeapublicaKKKans weren’t so obsessed with killing brown kids maybe Democrats could get some real work done like outlawing white privilege and signalling our environmentalist cred by tweeting a meme about solar freaking roadways from my rare earth strip-mine powered iPhone.

Look, liberals, concern trolling libertarians with “muh spending” is a nice move. Maybe you’re brushing up on your tactics. That’s definitely a good way to sucker the “I’m too smart for the two party system” types too. I’ll admit in every way the story of how the F-35 came to be is dumb. I mean “how many Keynesians does it take” dumb. It’s like they tried to build The Magic Schoolbus of War. Le Wise State called up half of fucking NATO, got all their worst ideas and told Lockheed and Boeing to put them in one plane.

A fighter made to order.  Made to 37ish orders actually.
A fighter made to order. Made to 37ish orders actually.
But we’ll have a warplane at least until we’ve got something that either renders them obsolete or a suitable replacement, and in the real world that matters more than subsidizing pizza rolls and red drank for fat niglets in inner city schools. Much of the alt-right seems to be okay with a reasonable allotment for defense and has an appropriate reaction to waste because those are healthy signs that you’re thinking of things fairly realistically. You don’t need a tenured position at Cato to recognize that a committee of Congressmen designing a plane for ammosexual generals is a stupid fucking money pit anymore than you need to call your Grand Dragon and find out what the media means when they report “teens” committing a savage home invasion rape. But the DoD is cutting its order from over 3,000 to about 250. So it probably won’t end up costing even a trillion. Over the 20-30 year service life it’s expected to live out that’s not really that horrible. A fuck up, for sure, but I don’t think now is the time to cancel our only fighter development program before we start production. With Duginism driving Pan-Russianism and feelings of power in the old bear and Putin growing bolder and more deft at dealing with both NATO and domestics, we can afford to finish the plane and hope we don’t need a full 3,000 plane run. It’s a far better use for the money than feeding dildocracy at any rate.

Besides if we’re going to spend it trying to make America better for everyone I have a way better use for $1.5 trillion that simultaneously solves a lot of our other problems too-

We ship all 40-whatever million basketball Americans to Africa, Russia and China with reparations in hand and use the rest to encourage African immigration to China along with a propaganda campaign to convince Africans that Americans are all witches with the evil eye who will eat them and use their bones to cast spells on their family.

Oh, and $10 billion for a nationwide party with celebratory burgers because we earned it.

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Duke Godwin is the ghost of an accountant who wrote a check for the Reichskanzlei's utility bill in 1931 and was executed by Mossad at the age of 96 for aiding the Nazi's
Hell, Michigan