At long last, the definitive work on how to butt-rape the interwebz has finally begun! Now you too can drive senile old liberal cat ladies into apoplexy with time honored strategies and tactics employed every day by hard-working TRS troll-agents. Prepare to create your own Butthurt Vortexes and deploy them into the center of quiet forums and lefty echo-chambers to wreak havoc. Today will begin with general concepts, types of forums, and classes of enemies.
General goals and outcomes
From the outset, recognize that you are not going to convince anyone to change their views, at least not without very carefully applied subtle arguments which, for reasons I will explain later, will typically just end up butt-raging your enemy all the more. You aren’t here to win hearts and minds, you’re here to make lefties look like clowns and inflict as much DPS as possible. There are only four real outcomes here:
The typical lefty will rage-block very quickly, and even the weakest of troll missiles will usually catch a few liberals in the AOE and add some points to your score. This is your bread and butter since most people view blocking as a bitchmade move which makes racking up “blocks” pretty analogous to getting kills in an online FPS.
What you really want is the ragequit, as this means you’ve driven them straight off the very forum itself. Not only did you blister their anus, they’re also not around to provide support to any of the other remaining liberal pukes.
You don’t really want this outcome, but in many places it’s an inevitable conclusion. Certain troll classes will get you rage-banned sooner than others, but mostly it has to do with the map you’re playing on. You can still brag to your team-mates about getting kickbanned for simply pointing out black crime statistics though.
3. Permanent Buttmad
This is a pretty amusing situation that results when you’ve dominated the same player so long they frantically change classes. Essentially, every response from the poor ass-chafed liberal will now come in the form of ad hominems and blatant flaming. In environments with strict rules of conduct, you can intentionally try to induce this result in order to get said liberal kickbanned by admins, which results in mega-lols for the entire team. In less regulated forums, Permanent Buttmad can be annoying as the enraged noob will simply spam every thread with personal attacks and memes.
4. Mass Exodus/Team win
This is really the ultimate objective, and it takes patience and a good team to pull off. By dominating individual liberals and shifting the entire tone of the forum to the right, you can actually cause them to Rage Quit en masse. Of course once this happens, you’ll need to change servers, but damn is it a beautiful thing to witness…
Types of forums
The type of map you’re playing on is very, very important to your overall strategy. Be sure to read the forum rules carefully (don’t break forum rules, your job is to make others break them) and take a minute to lurk moar and determine the overall tone of the place you’re about to incinerate. Do not simply wade in guns blazing, for this is a good way to get Rage Banned.
1. Basic Bitch Left Versus Right Forum
This is your most common map type, usually it consists of some basic rules about not-doxxing/reporting the group/no personal attacks on family, and it tends to be moderated by people belonging to both sides of the political spectrum. Pay close attention to team-balance. *Are there clusters of liberal cat ladies? Is it over-run with libertarians? Ideally you want a group with a large base of lefty cannon-fodder and a lax and overly tolerant admin.* This will allow you to troll hard for weeks.
2. Paranoid Matriarchy with Beta-Cuck Orbiters
These maps are tough, because your chances of getting Rage Banned are extremely high. Generally they take the form of a female (read “emotional lefty”) administration that presides over legions of cat ladies and their beta male cuckold followers. As such, these are target rich environments, chock full of noobs to dominate and stupid sheltered lefties that have never seen TRS argumentation before. It takes skills to avoid the wrath of the matriarchy though, and sooner or later you will either get Rage Banned or simply lose patience with the idea of kowtowing to a woman just in order to get in some troll time.
3. Libertarian Custom Maps
These groups are generally run by libertarians and have a large concentration of them present. As such, the general liberal population is going to be a lot smaller, the administration will be more even-handed and amazingly tolerant of mischief, and you’ll be wasting a lot of time listening to basic bitch NAP talking points. Still, the lefties hanging around are going to be better players, or at the very least, more stubborn, so you can have some fun here.
Unlike actual online team based games, there isn’t much diversity in the liberal ranks. Typically they are going to be uniform in personality and conform to some predictable standard archetypes.
1. Pleb-Tier Liberal Cat Lady
The most common variety of enemy. Usually she’s about 55 years old, watches Jon Stewart, reads the Atlantic, and repeats the sort of basic bitch, boilerplate rhetoric that makes you just want put a fist straight through your screen. Being an out of touch, outdated SWPL still watching cable news, she’s going to cluck about gun control, income inequality, and how the evil racist Rethuglicans are brainwashed by Faux News and the KKKoch Brothers, all while unselfconsciously regurgitating talking points straight from mainstream media. Cat ladies depend very, very heavily on other cat ladies “liking their posts”, and without support from the social approval medigun, they’ll rapidly start blocking and rage-quiting.
2. Easily Enraged Shit-Tier Liberal Cuck
These geezers are often found near LCLs, where they awkwardly flirt with them and frantically white-knight like Hell every time m’lady takes a critical hit from a conservative. They’ll very easily go into Permanent Butthurt mode, making them easy pickings on heavily moderated forums, but annoying as fuck when they have lee-way to spam memes and flame every post. If your rhetoric is volatile enough, you can induce some of them to block you, but in general these hateful little misfits are much less susceptible to flaming than LCLs.
3. Lefty Boss-Monsters
Usually these are younger (Read under 40) white males that are capable of at least a facsimile of “debate”, albeit intellectually dishonest debate full of shoddy logic. Typically they’re going to employ lots of tactical nihilism and snarky, pedantic bitch-made whining at your premises while not really producing any arguments or authoritative declarations of their own. They’re not stupid though, and they’re accustomed to scoring some wins against shit-tier conservatives.
These guys are going to provide you some satisfying battles, especially if you’re on your game and trap them in some contradictions.
Less common types
As stated previously, liberals are homogeneous in general, and these little sub-types are much less common than the garden variety blue-dog.
1. Social Justice Faggatrons
These little queers are actually a lot of fun, since you can play identity politics and gender theory games with them. All the more interesting trolling and special troll weapons can be employed on these guys, and they’re vulnerable to specific arguments that pleb-tier liberals won’t even be able to understand.
2. Token Negro Creature
These poor saps are basically just plumbline pleb-tier Democrats that sort of hang around on the edges of packs of liberals and contribute little of value to debate. As expected, they tend to be stupid, easily provoked, and appear to make the SWPLs around them faintly uncomfortable.
3. Feminist Harpy
These tend to occupy echo-chambers and cloisters since their incessant screeching grates on everyone’s ears and their usual form of debate is to shriek about patriarchy and shitlords. SJF tactics apply here.
That’s all for now, join me for part two when I discuss troll classes and specific tactics.