CIA Torture Report Reveals Americans Are Pussies

Recently a Senate report revealed the CIA has been using “harsh interrogation techniques” on prisoners, much to the mock outcry of the hand-wringing bleeding heart liberal masses. USA Today wonders “What the World Is Saying” about our naughty misdeeds against terrorists (Spoilers, Russia took this as an opportunity to get in a jab against Obama), while Libertarian sites like overflow with pious moralizing about the Nazi CIA and their inhumane torture of over 6 million Jews Arabs. Facebook threads abound with frumpy liberals hopping up on moral high horses and voicing their sobrave.jpeg condemnations of US conduct towards prisoners. The overall narrative hasn’t changed at all since Bad Goyim Ward Churchill published “On The Justice of Roosting Chickens,” a seminal piece of victim blaming more notable for the controversial assertion Jew capitalists in the World Trade Center were “little Eichmanns” than for its predictable Chomskyite stance on US Imperialism directly resulting in “blowback.” The gist of it is, America is an Evil Empire, and it’s morally wrong for us to harm a hair on the head of those brave little freedom fighters flying planes into our skyscrapers.

Between the handwringing about the Geneva Conventions and human rights violations we can hear the sound of American guilt checks being cashed, which by some accounts represent the largest growing sector in the entire US economy. Unsurprisingly, a populace well fed on dildo narratives about the uncountable sins of Americans towards Natives, blacks, immigrants, the third world, the Middle East, the environment, and anyone else who isn’t a white cishetero male have concluded that we should be ashamed and truly America itself is a Nazi Regime. Much has been made of how this represents a “Pax Americana,” a concept I find myself honestly wishing for given the sorts of people the CIA was actually torturing.

He dindu nuffin except orchestrate 9/11.
He dindu nuffin except orchestrate 9/11.
Khalid Sheikh “Dindu Dirka” Mohammed was waterboarded 183 times, a figure that comes well short of the 2,996 casualties on 9/11. Similarly, Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri who stands accused of masterminding the attack on the USS Cole was also the unfortunate victim of “enhanced interrogation techniques,” a process which sadly didn’t result in either of their slow and agonizing deaths on network television. Lawyers for their defense have alleged their treatment in custody is sufficient reason not to find them deserving of the death penalty, a most curious logic indeed since a little torture before a summary execution would be quite fitting for both of these Sand-People.

Am I seriously supposed to be morally outraged by the torture of Islamic terrorists responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans?

If anything outrages me, it’s that we don’t live in a literal Pax Americana where these barbaric fucks are crucified publicly along a major highway and have their dead bodies left on permanent display. That’s the travesty here, that I live in the world’s shittiest excuse for an Empire where self-hating white people empathize with their own killers and don’t even have the cojones to fantasize about creative ways to encourage Muzzie savages to think twice about attacking them. One could only conclude Americans really believe they deserved to be attacked, and truly do think Islamic terrorists occupy the moral high ground.

How's this for "enhanced interrogation techniques"?
How’s this for “enhanced interrogation techniques”?
I don’t share this assessment. Frankly, the idea of barbaric little anti-American religious extremists being tortured by grinning CIA agents really doesn’t disturb my sleep at night. Let’s not forget these are the guys who ENJOY cutting off the heads of westerners on TV, I really think our error has been giving them any pretense of civility when torture by blowtorch and helicopter rides should’ve been the first items on the menu, “information gathering” be damned.

Fuck this pearl clutching over “torture,” and fuck your American guilt trip too.