Today marks the death of S. Truett Cathy, who founded the infamous “Chick-fil-A” cartel which for decades has served as a sandwich slinging front-group for the most homophobic hate-organizations in existence. Not only did this nefarious “fast food franchise” funnel profits into murdering the gays, their attractively priced and delicious chicken fillet sandwiches also contributed to the Type 2 diabetes epidemic in American blacks, proving that once again racism and homophobia go together like ketchup and mustard in America. In addition to personally dumping wheel barrow loads of money into anti-gay organizations, sources allege Cathy’s maniacal cackling and penchant for wearing dark hooded robes ultimately served as the inspiration for George Lucas’s “Emperor Palpatine” character from the timeless Star Wars series of films.
Now by this point you might be wondering if perhaps this reading of events is a tad hyperbolic or perhaps painfully satiric, but rest assured, those are just the struggling refusals of your monolithically white-supremacist and cis-normative collective unconscious to face reality. In fact, when liberal equality watch-dogs summarily declare Christian groups supporting “traditional marriage” as “anti-gay hate groups”, this is most definitely not an attempt to frame any opposition to their prevailing ethos as being morally deficient. If you think this is biased political rhetoric and witch-hunting, it’s because of your own lack of perspective. Christians voting against the redefinition of marriage to mean what ever is currently in vogue among mainstream progressive culture is exactly analogous to a South African torturing and killing a gay man. Furthermore, giving money to political groups that might conceivably spend it on campaign funding opposed to liberal policies is literally like sharpening the machetes used to butcher innocent homosexuals yourself.
Now I know many claim that pronouncing moral judgments and enacting public polices against a group solely based on their religious convictions is essentially undoing progress made in the Civil Rights era, but those folks are ignoring how Christians are essentially using the Bible as a shield for their bigotry. Obviously there is nothing in the Bible itself which supports the tenets of these hateful homophobic bigots, nor should we feel the least bit self-conscious about attacking Christians for their intellectually vacuous prejudices. Obviously the death of S. Pruett Cathy should really just be an occasion of celebration for all of us, since it means one less backwards gay-hating monster in the world.
Let us travel around the world wide web and have a look at the textual celebrations erupting as this victory for equality and human rights unfolds.
“My Son and his friends refer to Chik a Fil as ‘Hate Chicken”‘ I don’t go there and don’t know anyone who does.”
I’m also proud of your sausage gargling son!
“Mr. Cathy did such a phenomenal job spreading hate, he could die without worrying about bigotry dying with him. Nice legacy. I would never eat at Chick-Fil-A.”
He did it all even while taking Sundays off, the bastard!
Another reveler attempts to get to the root of the injustice:
“The problem is not God or the bible. The problem is having to force your opinions on others and violating their constitutional rights and freedom. That’s what’s wrong.”
Tell me about it! You see chunks of chicken being dunked in allergy-insensitive Peanut Oil, I see a million Matthew Shepherds being eaten alive!
“Sure he hated gay people but now he’s just another dead billionaire.”
Two things you can’t do in America:
Be less enthused about buttsex union
Successfully run a business for profit (while not being Jewish!)
In response to the mild suggestion that Cathy and his son’s words were taken a bit out of context and reported unfairly:
“I have no interest in listening to his sons hate speech. We’ve all seen the effect it’s had nationwide and how it brought out all the hate profiteers to support their business. Neither one of them backed away from the hate groups that rallied to their cause. That’s all I need to know. If both of these old fools had spent more time worrying about their own business and less time sticking their noses into other people’s marriages they wouldn’t be known worldwide as a bigoted family. “
Chik Fil A. It’s not just a chicken sandwich. Not when its nose is in your marriage.