One Cock, Two Cock, Red Cock, Blue Cock

Jeffrey Tucker Muses on the Power and Glory of Dildos

When I think of the free market’s greatest achievements–McDonald’s, bow ties, cheap crack–I can’t help but stand in awe of the great variety and ubiquity of dildos.

Wow!
Dildos are not given to us in a state of nature, where a man’s penis is sufficient. Dildos had to be invented, and so they were by humanity’s restless imagination and creativity in the pursuit of self-gratification. And today, thanks to the wonder of capitalism, we now have dildos of every color of the rainbow, of every length and girth; we have dildos that vibrate, dildos that ejaculate, and dildos that feel like real skin. We have glass dildos, double-headed dildos, strap-on dildos, and even dragon dildos.

Wow!

Not only is there an incredible variety of dildos, but they are now cheaper and more accessible than ever. Anyone can buy a dildo today.

Dildos represent that late-stage of a civilization’s declining process that includes gratifying ourselves with exaggerated but ingenious imitations or representations of reality. This is an achievement worth celebrating.

When I scrape my crusty, worn-out asshole–etiolated after years of writing with it–along the shaft of a 9″ RealSkin black cock, I’m overcome by an arousing feeling of gratitude for the free market. No government anywhere could have created such a fabulous, mesmerizing, beautiful, inspiring, whimsical, zany, glorious portable phallic device to stuff my hungry ass.

Hold that dildo. Adore it. Suck it. Slide on it. There’s another one where that came from. And because of your hedonistic demand, there always will be.

Author image
It must be made so, because Fascinus says it must.