Gay Rights and Whitey's Revenge

I’ve long held a certain suspicion that during the “Civil Rights Struggle” white folk looked on with a sense of inflamed jealousy and bitter resentment while figures such as Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King stole the national spotlight. After all, at best the pale skinned progressives and lily white liberals were just the colored man’s patronizing sidekicks, forever doomed to stand in the shadow of a Genuinely Oppressed Minority while the Noble Negro recreated scenes from “Braveheart” and fought his valiant struggle for freedom and acceptance.

Meanwhile whitey skulked in his lair nursing his wounded pride and yearning for the day he too could be the underdog in his own heroic narrative against vile oppressors trying to crush him under their evil bootheels. Luckily, the most ironic opportunity for revenge was about to present itself. Gay Acceptance was to become whitey’s rallying cry, a call to arms to fight against the “homophobes” and “religious bigots” everywhere. The best part? In a social justice repeat of the “cultural expropriation” of rock and roll, whites were gonna steal this minority issue from the blacks themselves. True enough, they had already tried to stir up an underdog social justice campaign with feminism, but the shrill voices of so many screeching harpies grated harshly on the public’s ear. The word “feminist” itself would eventually come to represent a loud, obnoxious person who doesn’t shave her armpits, of similar status in the American public lexicon as the term “communist,” and equally distasteful.

Maybe they just needed better PR reps?
Maybe they just needed better PR reps?
Gays on the other hand represented a much safer pet project. These queers were flamboyant, colorful, amusing, and had fashion sense, you know, the exact opposite characteristics of any modern feminist. Gays were also less threatening since the idea of flaming homosexuals initiating some kind of fascist Orwellian dictatorship of faux-hawks and tight hipster jeans was positively comedic, especially contrasted against the sterile feminist dystopia of male disenfranchisement and gender censorship.

With the civil rights struggle increasingly appearing to be over with the institution of anti-discrimination laws and Token Blacks popping up on every single television show in syndication, the public appetite for the Negro Struggle was largely satisfied by the late 1990s. Now when a proud black man experiences racism an awful lot of us are going to enjoy a good chuckle of schadenfreude instead of furiously calling Al Sharpton. There was a social justice power vacuum forming, but the new player was already on the horizon.

Flamboyant. Non-threatening. Whiter than snow.
Flamboyant. Non-threatening. Whiter than snow.
The sparkly rainbow wheels of gay acceptance really began to turn a decade or so ago, with the happy coincidence of so many queers already being embedded in Hollywood making for an easy conquest. The gay media blitzkrieg rolled out like an especially color-coordinated and snappy Panzer division, and almost overnight convinced the entire American population that the gay forces deployed were several times their actual number. Contrary to popular belief, gays do not make up a third or even a quarter of American citizens and in fact might only constitute 2% of the general population. Sun Tzu would no doubt approve of this masterful deception.

Of course, every war has its casualties, and much to the chagrin of blacks everywhere, whitey had backed a winning team. Sorry my colored cohorts, African genetics only win you medals in the actual Olympics, not the Oppressed Minority version. You know you’re in trouble when intersectionality double-dipper Wanda Sykes turns race traitor and publicly declares it’s harder to be gay than black. Apparently the gay card has a bigger credit balance than the race card and Wanda knows it. That’s right, blacks themselves are becoming dimly aware that LGBTQ issues are stealing the show right now and some of them are defecting to the winning side before it’s too late. I say “dimly aware” because a certain Umar Johnson still naively believed good old fashioned causes like fighting white supremacy were at the top of the social justice hierarchy. The Portland School System swiftly deprived him of this silly notion by banning him from speaking at two area high schools when his uncharitable sentiments regarding gays were discovered. The irony of a “Pan-Africanist” Black Panther getting tossed under the same rainbow bus that ran over Phil Robertson is of cosmic proportions.

Being able to run like this doesn’t always win you medals.
Being able to run like this doesn’t always win you medals.
Whitey has finally done it. He’s beaten blacks at their own game of slave morality (A game you’d think people who were actual slaves would know how to play pretty damn well) and pushed his own pet social justice project right to the top of the pile. While blacks seem curiously likely to identify as gay, they are also at large much less accepting of homosexuality than whites, putting a lot of them squarely in opposition to the big fat gay parade currently steamrolling public thought. Homosexuals today will quite brazenly conflate their struggle with the legendary 1960s Civil Rights battle, and even remind you that the holocaust killed plenty of queers too. No one cares about the history of lynchings and separate drinking fountains, not when you’ve got intolerant homophobic bigots literally TWEETING their anti-gay sentiments everywhere. Forget being blasted with a firehouse, we live in a world so barbaric that people can get away with typing all sorts of gay-hating prejudice in Youtube comment sections. There simply is no question that the gay acceptance media campaign has been a huge flaming success and now dispenses instant retribution on any and all detractors.

While whites are usually punished for using a certain banned word or advocating literal racism, gay activists have ratcheted up the stakes and are willing to inflict swift vengeance on others for simply holding the wrong religious beliefs. The scope of their victory is monstrously impressive since gays can even redefine entire religions themselves to suit their preferences. What would Jesus do? He’d buy a marriage equality bumper sticker and make monthly donations to GLAAD. As many people have noted, Phil Robertson got in trouble for stepping on the toes of gays, while his politically incorrect observations about colored folk took a distant seat at the back of the bus, even among other blacks. Now that’s just plain sad when POCs are actually willing to rationalize their own marginalization for the sake of white queers.

Face it blacks, you’ve lost a lot of real estate in the social justice wars, and the gays are pitching absolutely fabulous rainbow tents on it.