3 TIPS ON HOW TO LIFT WEIGHTS LIKE A FUCKING FASCIST

You don’t want to get caught in the middle of The Happening with a pair of twink-legs, do you? What will you do when the hoards of transqueermosexuals descend on your poor, unsuspecting rural neighborhood demanding all the equality and body-glitter your people have to offer, if you don’t have the upper-body strength to fend them off? Being an edgy cool-bro isn’t going to keep your cheeks tight when the youths come to culturally-enrich your ass. So, to prepare your body for what’s to come, here’s TRS’s top 3 tips on how to LIFT WEIGHTS LIKE A FUCKING FASCIST.

Hitler&Schwarzenegger

Tip #1: Ball-Sack Squat

Being a fascist means being a man’s man. And being a man means having balls that can withstand the ripping force of a Mac-5 jet without pulling your kidneys out through your recently-acquired vagina. To build up balls of iron and vas deferens of titanium, simply perform ball-squats; A squat variation wherein you attach one end of a harness to your scrotum, and the other end to your choice of plates, then perform the squat as you would normally. It takes time to build up nut-strength, so be patient. Going too quickly could result in you getting your first period, so don’t be stupid. Instead, follow this simply 6-week program to having Duke Nukem-tier baby-gravy makers:

WEEK 1: Monday: 3×8 w/ 10lbs, Thursday: 4×6 w/15lbs
WEEK 2: Monday: 3×8 w/ 20lbs, Thursday: 4×6 w/25lbs
WEEK 3: Monday: 4×10 w/ 30lbs, Thursday: 5×8 w/ 35lbs
WEEK 4: Monday: 4×10 w/ 40lbs, Thursday: 5×8 w/ 45lbs
WEEK 5: Monday: 5×12 w/ 50lbs, Thursday: 6×10 w/ 55lbs
WEEK 6: Monday: 5×12 w/ 60lbs, Thursday: 6×10 w/ 65lbs

What your balls will resemble by week 7.
What your balls will resemble by week 7.
Simply add this to your already-existing program, and in 6 short weeks your testicle strength with shoot up 7-fold, I swear on me mum.

On the seventh week, take a de-load and drop the weight to 20lbs for 5 sets of 5. After that, re-do the whole cycle, this time starting at your WEEK 3 weight and continue building up from there.

genital-weights
This is why the jews fear the samurai.
#### Tip #2: Straight-arm Curls

When shit hits the fan, there’s going to be an awful lot of oven-fodder. Some already dead, some just weak and emaciated. Either way, you’re going to need some wicked lat-strength in order to be capable of shovelling all those undesirables into your giant novelty Easy-Shoah Oven™. To do this, we’re going to do an exercise called Straight-arm curls. This lift is pretty self-explanatory; You grab your barbell and you curl it, except you don’t bend at the elbow. It’s a straight motion from a vertical arm position, up to a horizontal arm positions, and back down. This lift can be done in any set/rep scheme you chose, but shoot for 25 reps total in your first day and try adding 1-2 additional reps to that total each time you perform this lift. It doesn’t matter if you have to change the set/rep scheme to get those extra reps, all that matter is that your get them. You can do 25 singles, one set of 25, 5 sets of 5, whatever.

For added difficulty, tie the corpses of two roughly-equal sized abandoned toddlers to the end of two sticks, and perform the lift with them instead of your barbell. Don’t feel bad, they were probably abandoned for being cisgendered, racist monstrous 2-year-olds to begin with.

Tip #3: Man-ups

Let’s face it, in a post-Happening world, you’ll be much too busy building ziggurats out of the bones of your enemies and organizing your soap-collection by age and gender to have time to do a full workout. What you need is an all-in-one lift that covers every major muscle group simultaneously so you can get in, get swole, and get back to work in the gulags, you filthy fucking degenerate.

buff hitler

That lift is the Man-up. A lift that combines several other lifts to form one super-lift. Think of it like a super-set you do in a single set. First thing you do is find a safety-squat bar and load that bitch up with plates. Then, you get a regular deadlift bar and load that up, too. Finally, throw on a pull-up belt, and throw a couple more plates on that. Now you’re ready to lift.

  1. Get under the safety-squat bar and try to get it to balance on your shoulders without using your hands.
  2. Bend down and grab that deadlift bar.
  3. ???
  4. Profit

There’s a very, very high chance that you’ll become a permanent resident of Snap-city by rep 2, but that’s okay. It’s better that we get you noodle-spined untermensch out of the gene-pool, anyway. If you manage to survive it, then congratulations! Good luck trying not to drown in all the pussy you’ll be getting. Studies show that you can drown in as little as 2 inches of pussy.

Conclusion

There you have it. Follow these 3 simply tips, and you’ll be lifting like a fucking fascist in no time! So, what are you waiting for? Get out there and make il Dvce proud!

TFW pre-workout kicks in...
TFW pre-workout kicks in…