Response to: The 5 stages of becoming an anarchist
Maybe you’re no longer an anarchist. But TRS? NO WAY.
Some day, however, you might be.
On the road to Right Stuff, there are five stages. And unlike ancap applications of the Kübler-Ross model, you will not come out posting profile pictures looking like a goofy motherfucker.
- Denial – To you, anyone disagreeing with your Rothbard quotes is statism, and statism is silly. And evil. The State can never be anything more than a cancerous tumor on humanity.
- Anger – What kind of monster would dare suggest otherwise? Just when I was making a positive impact on Facebook, International Association of Haters posts a mean picture about Bradley Manning! And people actually agreed with it! Can you believe that? They just don’t understand that I have, like, deep convictions and stuff! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING BOWTIE!
- Bargaining – Maybe there are some flaws with promoting an autistic version of progressivism, you concede. Maybe it’s a tad disingenuous to wave off tragedy of the commons, free riders, paradox of choice, and predatory human nature with appeals to gold coins and flipper-handed old men. It doesn’t help when you watch your ideological brethren use NAP as a sloppy secular catechism. You remember some of these very same folk smearing their (our?) opponents as “religious dogmatists.” After much inner turmoil, and personal experiences with a liberty movement composed of people more interested in wearing the fedora better than you, you read George Fitzhugh’s Cannibals, All!
- Depression – After you finish Fitzhugh, your world collapses. You call your core beliefs into question. Long, repetitive, and largely superfluous treatises on praxeology don’t account for individual differences in ambivalence towards other humans. Human history does not bear out a Care Bear narrative of peaceful bow ties oppressed by mean ole’ statists. You realize that you tried to block the reality of human differences in genetic ability and culture with books on roads and a fedora. You realize you were fed empty morals in order to make a sale. You realize that what really matters is the society you were born in. You realize that the “values” of anarcho-capitalism are nothing more than an attempt to transform society into a Rube Goldberg dildo machine.
- Acceptance – Fuck you, go to Church.
Suddenly, you’re Right Stuff. You experience it—that awkward moment when you realize civilization doesn’t progress when man worships his own asshole.
“I’m pretty much a monarchist,” you admit when the opportunity arises, if for no other reason than to enjoy the quizzical looks that always ensue.
Perhaps, through personal interactions with your fellow man, at least one of your interlocutors becomes intrigued enough to check out Redbeard or Fitzhugh. The five stages begin in yet another individual, and for that, it was all worth it.
Inside every anarchist, there’s a statist waiting to be set free. Your brain either works or it doesn’t. There is no in-between.