Finding God through your anus

God may be dead, but he is never really gone.

I have long been of the opinion that the basic narrative of Christianity, the cycle of paradise, fall and redemption followed by heaven on earth, contains something very basic to the Western soul. It is impossible to escape this narrative even if you consciously try. We find it reappearing in all current social and political movements. Environmentalists, Communists, Libertarians and Anarchists all promote a narrative that follows this basic structure. Indeed, it is so pervasive that if we were to encounter a movement that did not pitch this narrative we would ask ourselves what would be the point of getting involved.

Without struggle, without wanting, life is meaningless. Without the idea that we are ultimately serving a higher purpose and achieving something beyond ourselves for the sake of other people, life is empty. We become just bags of gas (penis attachment optional) that require an occasional chemical energy boost to keep functioning. Even the most vulgar of atheists needs to live for something more than just pushing organic matter through his alimentary canal.

Given this desire, it is no surprise that religious rituals are primarily structured around meals. The act of sustaining our lives thus becomes divine. The Eucharist is the reenactment of Christ’s Last Supper with his disciples, his family. Christians break bread together as a family in the presence of their Lord and are renewed physically and spiritually. When we were children family meal time was important. Our Father (God) who had been been absent during the day returns home. At supper the family gathers around him and the children can be in his presence. Thus the evening meal becomes more than just eating, it is a source of joy and comfort. For most Christian sects Baptism is required before a person can partake of the Eucharist. Just as you must wash your hands before a meal, you must be cleansed body and soul before you may dine at the Lord’s table.

The sense of stability and belonging that traditional patriarchal society provides is strengthened and maintained by these rituals. This feeling of comfort and togetherness is what our postmodern society, in a foolish quest for equality and a reckless rejection of hierarchical order, is vainly destroying. The last vestiges of the traditional Christian lifestyle and any sort of patriarchal social order are dwindling and dying. Indeed they are being actively stamped out to suit the preferences of our degenerate intellectual class. The old order has been almost entirely replaced by a narcissistic, hedonistic, egalitarian dildocracy free of hierarchy and patriarchal “oppression”. Free of judgment and consequence.

But you cannot actually kill God. People will still cry out for what they don’t know they have lost. They will reconstruct their dead God in ever more ridiculous and bizarre forms. People will still seek a way to make feeding themselves into something more meaningful than simply shoving a wad of nutrients down their neck. They sense that meals, at least some meals, are meant to have a spiritual component. This explains the current popularity of fad dieting. It is a new form of religion centered around the ritual preparation and consumption of trendy food products. The types of food and their preparation techniques are usually revealed to the disciples by a messianic guru figure. No doubt at some point in your life you have had a friend or acquaintance that has gotten into one of these diets and subsequently tried to convert you to their new faith. Whether it is Veganism or the Paleo Diet, the followers of such fads inevitably become evangelists.

Perhaps the most absurd of the currently popular fad diets is the Raw Food diet. This diet tends to be favored by air-headed, uppity California liberal types. The sort of people that shop at organic food co-ops, refuse to use plastic bags and demand more bike lanes. For the Raw Foodists the ritual preparation and consumption of various kinds of organic vegetable shakes is their version of the Eucharist. But as with Christianity, followers of Raw Foodism are not permitted to partake of the holy meal until they have been properly cleansed. Where Christianity has Baptism, the Raw Foodists have the high colonic as their cleansing and induction ritual. A newcomer to the world of Raw Food must first flush out their colon before they can continue to walk the path. Enthusiasts of the procedure tout both the physical and spiritual benefits. Some raw food gurus even claim that it is the answer to everything.

I urge you to take the time to watch the video above. Not only is it hilarious, but it makes the point better than I ever could. As you listen to the individuals in the video talk about flooding their colon with water via a plastic tube inserted into the rectum, it is clear they are describing what was for them a fundamentally transformative religious experience. They speak about the colonic as the beginning of a new life. Ben Vereen speaks in mystical tones about feeling as if he was suddenly filled with light when his colon was voided. Jill Nani talks about the intense physical and emotional feeling of being filled up with water and then evacuating fecal matter that had apparently been impacted in her colon for years. She speaks as if she were washing away sins from her previous life. They both talk about it as one of the most profound experiences of their lives.

Many raw food gurus and enthusiasts claim that the colonic flushes out matter that can collect in the cecum for decades. They often say that this is area is full of parasites. One thing that becomes abundantly clear after watching several of these videos is that these people essentially feel filthy all the time. They attribute this to diet, but that is hardly the issue. In fact many actual doctors say that this kind of colon cleansing is potentially dangerous. So where does this filthy feeling come from? Why it’s none other than good old Christian original sin. What else would it be? Fundamentally these people are extreme narcissists and hedonists and they know it. Deep down they know that they are selfish and vile people frittering their existence away on endless trivialities. When they talk about how their bodies are filled with toxins and poisons they are telling you the absolute truth. They desperately seek some kind of redemption but are too lazy and cowardly to actually go the fuck back to church. Instead they shove a hose up their ass and tell themselves it’s sunny.

Below I have collected some of the more lulzy comments I found while browsing through Raw Foodist colonic videos on youtube:

One month ago I finally got the nerve to get my first colonic. It was an incredible experience and I recommend it highly. I’ve had 4 more since that time and we are working on getting my digestive system eliminating regularly. It’s working. I recommend this to everyone!

…additionally putrefied, rubbery ‘stuck-em’ glued to the colon over years is what the colonics ultimately are going for. check out the photos in dr. jensen’s bowel care guide book. you will be amazed at how many pounds of black, brown or green ‘rubber’ can come out after a series of treatments.

They feel interesting but not uncomfortable like an enama can. I had to one because my transverse colon was impacted. I was cramped so bad I drove an hour to therapist for a treatment. I felt so great after that I went in for one the next day and the day after.

It took me 6 months to get up the nerve to get a colonic. I know this will sound very strange but it’s one of the most incredible experiences. I recommend it for everyone.

…the colon is like the water hose to the fountain of health, the cleaner it is the greater your fountain!

Indeed, our society has killed God only to leave these people searching for him in their rectums.

the-first-annoying-vegan

Author image
Hey bro, that's racist.