Bulbasaur's Modest Proposal

LifeIt is indeed a melancholy object for one to consider the topic of abortion in these “United” States. Hundreds of years trading blood and lives in the name of progress (not always a fair trade), yet still we drag along the flotsam of a past best left forgotten.

A strong minority, comprising tens of millions of our “fellow citizens,” still harbor misplaced nostalgia for a time when a woman had no say in whether or not she must endure the presence of a parasitic life-form within her own person.

Consider it: our female population, living the honest, equal, and consumptive existence guaranteed to all Americans (as well as some others), would instead be relegated to mere* breed stock* for the nation. Such thinking is a barbarous relic, anathema to any true American. I sometimes wonder if these Fox News-types sing the Horst Wessel Lied when we’re not paying attention. Susan B. Anthony, bless her, must be spinning in her grave.

I think it is agreed by all educated parties involved that this issue is in the present deplorable state of the nation a very great additional grievance.

Therefore, whoever could engineer a fair, cheap, and easy method of making this issue a non-issue, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.

[![It's a start.](http://res.cloudinary.com/trs/image/upload/v1428560873/start_r6oz9i.jpg)](http://res.cloudinary.com/trs/image/upload/v1428560873/start_r6oz9i.jpg)
It’s a start.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide for the unwanted of the over-indulged; indeed it is of a **much greater extent**, and shall take in the whole of our society’s unwanted children; parasites of all ages and means. (*There is another great advantage in my scheme, in that it will finally and without any further quibble, put to rest the issue of “women’s rights.” It is my sincere hope to put not only the American citizenry, but poor spinning Miss Anthony to a peaceful rest.)* **I.** Having turned to my own thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and having maturely considered the schemes of other projectors, I have always found them utterly lacking. Certainly, it is irrefutable biological **fact** that a developing fetus inside the womb is not “viable” for survival outside of the host, completely dependent upon it’s host for every facet of it’s very existence. It is insulting to call such a mass of incomplete tissue “human.” **However**, does this dependent status magically cease upon birth? The newborn child’s chances of survival are virtually nil without an older human to provide assistance; the child is not born with any natural defenses or ingrained instinct beyond crying loudly for aid. This newborn life will not be capable of defending itself against the harshness of nature for years, and even then, only if the child has received a **considerable** amount of care and direction under the voluntary tutelage (*sacrifice*) of other human(*s*). While no long a developing mass of humanoid-shaped tissue, neither is it totally correct to call this state of being “human.” This state of “being-in-progress” must be differentiated from developed and functional humans. With that said, I keenly recognize and empathize with my fellow Americans that are triggered by certain combinations of words and prefixes. It is with this in mind that I give these post-birth beings the appellation **“hypohuman.”** **II.** It is here that I begin to clearly demarcate and expand upon both the nature of a being that exists scientifically as a parasite, as well as the rights and duties of our country’s females. The number of souls in this nation being currently reckoned is around 314 million. Of these, [George Mason University](http://money.cnn.com/2012/02/07/news/economy/government_assistance/index.htm) calculates that close to **148 million** receive a form of financial assistance from the government. While not all of these souls are in equally-dire straights, it is rational to estimate that half of them live a dependent existence no different from the newly-birthed. However, unlike the child, these lowly creatures are “cared” for by a faceless bureaucracy lacking any desire or interest in changing the situation of these derelicts, these dependents… These unviable parasites, these forlorn hypohumans. While the question of material provision is certainly well attended-to thanks to our technology and consumerist system, under the present situation of affairs it is utterly impossible to account for the development of these beings into fellow **humans**. In some cases it may be impossible to provide means for these poor creatures to achieve humanity. This is truly a horrific state of being, not much different from the ghouls we see in our popular media.
[![An accurate depiction.](http://res.cloudinary.com/trs/image/upload/v1428560864/beer_pyu0gc.jpg)](http://res.cloudinary.com/trs/image/upload/v1428560864/beer_pyu0gc.jpg)
An accurate depiction.
**III.** I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection. I have been assured by a multitude of my fellow Americans that females, being biologically-gifted with the means for providing host to the parasitic pre-human, are therefore better-equipped in regards to choosing if and when to terminate the parasite’s existence. I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the 148 million already computed, easily half that number are forced to continue living the cruel existence of hypohumanity, with no chance of this ever changing. That therefore, women should have the power to exercise their biological responsibilities to the fullest, and choose whether or not to **abort** these poor creatures. That for those remaining, unless and/or until they can prove their survivability, women should have the ultimate responsibility over their continued existence. The advantages of such a system should be self-evident. Not only are women’s rights finally demarcated and given a role in society equivalent to their biological one, but we also contain the proliferation of the forgotten underclass, those who can never achieve our equality. Another great advantage will be the freeing-up of resources, which we can turn towards new technologies and refinements, perhaps finally moving into outer space. Such an arduous journey is hardly conceivable with such a mass of forgotten children dragging us ever further down. I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of humanity. I have no children, neither do I intend to burden my partner with any.
[![THE END](http://res.cloudinary.com/trs/image/upload/v1428560855/the_a8qot3.jpg)](http://res.cloudinary.com/trs/image/upload/v1428560855/the_a8qot3.jpg)
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Bulbasaur is a blue collar worker and part-time polemicist from the Southern U.S.